Best Way to Avoid Red Lights

I found this out a while ago, and so I share my secret with you, my dear friends. I found that if I am late to be somewhere, I will hit every light red. Strange but true - traffic signals sense this innate lateness and work overtime to make one as late as legally possible. But, I found that if I pick up my cellphone and say, "I think I am going to call X and tell X that I will be late, so that they will not stand around waiting. Heavens me, it would be quite rude and unsafe to make such an important phone call whilst driving. A solution! I will make this much needed call at the next red light." I never see another red light until I get to X.

-Edward