5 Minutes Left
I am posting this with only 5 minutes left before the Day of the Beast! I hope, dear friends, that these words survive the onslaught of Evil that we can expect in the next 24 hours (well, not the very next 24 hours, one must skip 5 minutes beyond that for the true onslaught to being). These are the final minutes of a world not yet gone insane, not yet having to witness the brutal atrocities that will surely befall us all.
I'm sure we all have our own vision of what The World will be like in a few minutes time, but let me share mine with the survivors: the day will start the same as any other day, but the alarm clock will not go off! Then, in a panicked rush to get to work, the roads will be packed with cars! Then there will be no parking spaces left in any city in The World! Then demons will pop out of every sewer system, dark crevasse, nook and cranny of The World to rape and pillage their way to The Center of It All! One can hope that they would disturb enough cars in the process to clear away some parking spaces, but No! that is all part of their hellish plan.
This takes us to about lunch time, at which time servers will be spitting in customer's food. Pets will run wild. Children will scream. But this would be like any other day in most restaurants were it not for the family of demons sitting at the next table glaring at you. Glaring. How rude.
After a day of pure soul sucking agony, the day at the office will be over and we will each have to face the final hours of 06-06-06. But wait, you realize, what are those extra zeros doing in those number? Well I'll be a monkey's uncle (or at least that will be the hallucination we will experience at that time)... today was not that beastly day we had all feared, it would have to be a pure 666... and the Christians (the only people with that 666 fetish) say their bible claims that to be the number of the beast, not the day of hell on earth... Wait a minute, this was all a dream! Or was it just another day! Arrgggghhh!
-Edward
3 comments:
The advantage of having some many posts ahead of this one is that no one is ever going to go through the trouble to see if there are any comments back here. So, this can be like the subconscious mind, things exist here, but will probably never see the light of day. Mostly because I enter these blogs at night. And isn't night the best time to enter something? Though I have seen some interesting videos shot during the daylight. :) Even though most videos are actually shot during the daylight, the phrasing makes it sound dirty. Strange that.
Still no one reading back this far. Over 13 months since I wrote this and I still get a few chuckles out of it. Man, remember when this blog was funny? Kind of like George Carlin - he started funny, but progressively became a bitter old comedian. Sure, he is still funny, but it is a bitter kind of funny.
I want to get back to my roots, the reason I started this blog - to develop my keen insight into your world and present it in a funny way. I want to world to laugh at my jokes and be inspired by my ideas. Both at the same time! Kind of like a Zen Koan. That is my inspiration for this blog! And Chris Rock, back when he was funny. Man alive, did he go on about the pussy or what? :)
Has my time in the sun faded? Am I nothing but a bitter young man? Nay, I say! Re-reading these old comments that no one else will ever see has re-inspired me! I know I can be funny again, if given half a chance, or half a pussy!
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