I'm not mad
I have often had people assume that I was upset with them or mad at them. True, I seem to upset easily. But realize that it is usually based on events in what I believe the to be the world around me. But upset with someone else, a living person, a fellow human being... I do not think I could do that.
Since I know everything I perceive to be in my mind, and that which I perceive probably isn't what anyone else does, on an intellectual level, how can I really be upset with anyone else since I really do not know anyone else? I know this to be true, and so I know that I am actually upset with the Universe.
The Universe made me. It set up the limits on the way I can experience it and limits on what I can do within its confines. If someone does something: that is an event. If I upset myself at that event, it doesn't really matter what the cause is (or who caused it), to me it is just an event in the Universe, so I blame it.
Say I want to get somewhere quickly in my car. There normally is no traffic at the time of day in question, yet I seem to suddenly be surrounded by morons who have never even seen a steering wheel before and are unaware which foot makes their car go. Can I blame the idiots around me? No. The Universe put them there at that time, and for a reason which seems to be beyond my ability to fathom.
When I sit in a restaurant or movie theatre, I sit as far away from people as I can. Invariably the loudest group of people with screaming kids will walk in and decide that where I am located is the ideal place in the Universe to be at that moment in time. Why do they choose there and then? The Universe made it so. I may seem upset to people who know me, and most time people think I am upset with the group that is interfering with my plans of quiet, but that is not true. I am upset with the Universe, so moving to a different location isn't going to make it better, because I know that the Universe is still there. Waiting. Watching. Planning when to strike next.
So, if you see me "suffering" because of a situation, and think, "Hey, there might be an easy fix for this! Let me see if I can help. I'll suggest that we move somewhere away from the noisy bastards." just remember, the Universe is out to get me and I am not upset with what is going on or the people involved, but that the Universe is making it happen in the first place. There is no fixing it within the confines of this universe. And I apologize for giving you the wrong impression.
The Edward
PS I usually do not do this, but I actually wrote this a while ago, though I am posting it here for the first time. Reading through it now, the tone sounds bitter to me, like bad chocolate, but that wasn't the intent. Read it with a happy tone! (Though, by this time, you probably already read through it, so it is probably too late... maybe I should have put this at the top of the post?) It is truly how I see the Universe - there is a conscious force actively foiling my every plan, which is why I do not tell anyone my real plans, not even myself. That will show the Universe who is boss! :) And sure, traffic and crowds suck, but what really gets me is the people I missed out on because of timing...
2 comments:
With me it's a checks and balances program the Universe has me on with Murphy's Law incidents thrown in for good measure. For example (I'm trying to stop saying "like" which a co-worker has infected me with, god is her grammer abysmal. If I have a super dooper day, then I will have a suck-ass (tho some people might find that to be super) day immediately thereafter. If I experience a lucky find or something great, the Universe humbles me in proportion to the good. Murphy's Law works in the way that I always pass the person leaving the good parking spot. I get the corner booth by the kitchen. I say something and the person I'm being catty about is directly behind me. I spill my drink on my electronics (no sparks yet). No traffic until I finish my mileage sheet and am ready to pull out - then long streams of traffic both ways. Or my non-trouble clients all decide to go into crisis mode at the same time. I'm too much of a bitch to put up with obnoxious people in a movie theater. They tend to move away quickly when I give the "stare" which my fellow preschool teachers say is the last word in intimidating.
Interesting... checks and balances... I'll have to think about that one. I know I tend to notice the negative and forget the positive, so maybe something good happens and I forget about it when I get the smack down from the Universe. I'll have to keep an eye out for the positive!
Yeah, I have many stories about running into people I've been avoiding. It seems so weird, since there so many people in the area, yet I never seem to run into people I've been missing. And how often have I said something disparaging only to find the person standing right behind me, which is why I try not to do that unless my back is against the wall.
I've tried The Stare. That worked on the East Coast, but out here, people seem to be so into themselves that they do not care. Maybe I just need to be taught by the Stare Master!
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