The Point of this conversation

You are a good person. You are smart because you read these posts. I like you.

The point of a conversation is not what most people seem to believe it is. You should be trying to make the other person feel good about his or her self. At least that is what The Laid Guide says (and some other books on influence that are not solely based on helping men get into women's panties (by which I do not mean trying to get men to fit into women's panties, but to get to the goods stored inside of those aforementioned panties for the purposes of sex)).

Programmers and other geeks think that people want to be around them because they are witting and clever. So in social situations, they tend to say things that they think everyone else wants to hear, rather than listen to what others are saying. Obviously their cutting jabs are more important than the random banter of others. But, one of the easiest ways to make someone feel good about themselves is to listen to what they say.

Beyond that, use compliments. I read once that even if someone knows that the compliment is "fake", it doesn't matter, it still has a very positive impact on that person's life. But, you probably knew that already - you were always the clever one.

A thing I have seen in my work and home life many times: people get frustrated. Someone wants to explain something to someone else, and the other person is just not getting it. It happens all the time between any two people (models of language and all of that stuff). There are many ways to handle this frustration you feel. You can say something cutting in hopes of shaming them into getting it while making yourself look smarter, which seems to be the common one that I've seen. Or, you can focus on the facts you want to impart, put your ego aside, and try a different approach to explaining it. Sure, you do not get that visceral feeling of putting some idiot in his place, but you actually accomplish that which you set out to do, and in the end, you will both feel better, and feel more at ease in future communications. I know there are many people in my life that I just kind of nod my head for fear of it being ripped off if I ask "too many" questions about the nugget of wisdom just imparted to me. That's right, sometimes I do take that easier route!

I'm sure I do not need to summarize this for you, but here goes: 1) Listen. 2) Compliment. 3) Don't take your frustrations on others with "clever" comments. 4) Focus on why you are communicating in the first place, and strive to achieve that goal.

Though, if your goal is too make everyone around you feel like worthless crap when compared to your overwhelming magnificence and glory, then be sure you are true to your goals. That's what I'm really saying, be true to your goals, and know what they are. And focus.

As always, I look forward to reading your comments.

The Edward