Words
Part 3. What did I realize during the conversation? Are you reading this and wondering what I am talking about? Seek out Part 1. Then Part 2.
I realized that the underlying belief that they had was that one person can make someone do something solely with words. That people are not only easily manipulable, but so much so that we have laws and beliefs so ingrained that it appears obvious that someone else can make someone do something that they normally wouldn't do - solely with words.
At first I couldn't believe this. This was why I involved the friend back at the office, previously mentioned. I thought surely she will say something that will point out that I misreading the deeper meaning of my other friends statements. She didn't, she confirmed with her words that she had the same underlying belief. I was in shock and had to think about this.
So, back in my office, with the door closed, I thought about it. And I realized that if what I had realized about words was true, then a whole lot of my tagged memories would now make sense. So it probably was true: people are not really awake. People can make other people do things. Not just "Oh, she had a really compelling argument, so I took action based on her flawless logic." No, "She told me to and that was good enough for me."
Suddenly I understood the Milgram experiments. Why compliments work. I understood why when I was in High School, kids would blame the guy for stealing the girl. I understood how quite a few fast-food managers each year are convinced to rape employees because someone on the phone told them to. I understood why there were Nazi party leaders on trial. I understood why some bands are sued when one of their "followers" kills himself because of lyrics telling him to. So many things at work, in my life, in the news, everywhere - it all made sense if I believed this eldritch underlying premise. And I wept.
The Edward
4 comments:
Again, it is ultimately up to the person to choose how they act. Yes people can be influenced, but that depends on their character, upbringing, morality, strength of being, and all that stuff. I did a criminal (minor, no record) act when I was a kid but it was because I was hanging out with a "popular" kid for the first time and was trying SO DAMN HARD to fit in, that my right/wrong thinking was left to the wayside. Did I ever do anything like that again? No, coz I got caught and had major consequences at home. But I learned a valuable lesson at a very young age. Do what I think is right, not what people tell me to do.
I'm sorry to hear that you learned this lesson the hard way, but I am glad to hear that it has influenced your thinking for so long. I agree, people need to take responsibility for their actions. I do not know if the kid you mentioned did anything as well, but if he/she didn't, do you blame that person for your actions? It sounds like you take responsibility for your own actions. Just because someone tells you to do something, you wouldn't necessarily do it. If someone in authority at work told you to do something criminal, would you do it?
No, I wouldn't. In fact that is why I had to leave one of my jobs. Not that they asked me to do anything criminal, but they wanted to do something without consulting parents and I thought that was wrong and was asked to leave when I informed the parents.
The "popular" kid got in trouble too but not as much as me. She continued to be popular and I slide way back into geekdom.
Interesting that you should say that - I have a blog idea that I was considering about the Cool People Table. What makes one group popular and another not? I've been stuck at the non-cool table at many weddings, so I analyzed the situation. I will try to include ideas from your comment when I do that blog entry. Thanks.
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