Sex on the First Date

When you meet a guy and he asks you out for coffee, you know he is asking you to have sex with him. No matter what, if a guy is being friendly, he is probably thinking that he might have sex with you at some point. You probably already know this and might even be thinking that you are using this to your advantage, but you really aren't and I'll tell you why in a minute. But for now let me say, if you take him up on his coffee then you should have sex. Every date should have sex as part of it. I can already hear the murmur of the crowds...

Most men expect that they are going to have sex on every date and yet women do not, why? It is the artificial value that has been placed on women not having sex. We even have terms like "she is pure", or "she is innocent". What does sex have to do with purity or innocents? Sex is biological drive that people enjoy fulfilling together, like eating or breathing. Do we look at others and say "Look at that guy, wanting to breath all of the time. What, does he have to breath everywhere he goes? Give it a rest already! Try thinking with your head and not your lungs, pal."

If you are single, you should be having as much sex as possible with everyone that you go out with, even if it is just a "simple date." The value you place on sex keeps you from enjoying it. You feel like you are giving up something and that they guy is getting something from you. Can anyone really enjoy anything if one thinks someone is getting something from oneself? I know for me, even if someone shortchanges me a penny, I think, "Wow, this sucks. That person just got the better of me, since they got something from me that I value - money." Then again, hold on to money too long and it devalues, so I should be spending it every chance I get - depreciation wears away all assets. The value of an asset comes from its use, for all things will perish in the end.

Most women seem to think that their pussy is made of gold and will retain its value no matter what the economy, while I believe it is closer to Aluminium. Even though the value of the metal underneath may go down, if you are skilled with Aluminium and a novice with gold, you will be create works of art with Aluminium that everyone will desire, or have a pile of gold that will gather dust locked away. It is not the value of the metal that should matter, it is the value in how you have learned to handle it through many, many uses. So, enjoy it every chance you get, on every date you have or with any willing friend, then you will be actually be using that willing person to your advantage by what you learn about how to use that pussy of yours to make a MasterPiece.

The Edward

Spiffy Hat

Why that is a spiffy new hat that you have there my friend? Where did you get such a marvelous hat? Hat And Tie Emporium? Indeed! No, I myself do not wear hats, but thank you for offering. No, I didn't mean to offend you, I just though that you had a nice hat and I thought I would say so. I didn't mean to imply that I wanted one as well. Back off man, will you just drop it already? Wait, what are you doing? Hats don't belong up in there? Stay away from me with that thing. Ow, quit it. I warned you. Oh why, oh why didn't you listen. How can I hide the body? Maybe I can stuff it into this hat. I think this episode will leave me scarred for life against hats.

Why hello there Miss. That is quite a nice pair of panties you have there...

The Edward

Whirl Peas

I'm not quite sure why this is such a hot topic. I hear people talking about it all of the time. I've tried visualizing them, but gosh darn it, peas are god's most disgusting creatures and a quick trip through the blender doesn't enhance their appeal. Listening to political debates is like seeing a bad episode of Iron Chef. "We want whirl peas over here, but you keep standing in our way. You want whirl peas, but are you willing to kill people for it? It will be world peas our way or not at all!" Can't these people all just get along! They all just need a big group hug! Or a big group orgy, since sex seems to bond friendships better than most anything else on this planet, even better than food. I mean who among us hasn't slept with a good friend just to make the friendship stronger? It obviously works for dating. "I kind of liked you Marsha. I think we might have hit it off, but I am not sure. But if we have sex, maybe this will turn out to be a great date after all! Just a little sex, that's all we need. Just let me slip it in for a minute." Then after the hours of sex have ended, a simple hanging out has turned into a relationship. And now these two are bonded.

So, what I am I saying? I think we need to get all of the world leaders doing it. It will be like the chimps, they will all feel attached to one another afterwards - all pair bonded and stuff. They will each have a knowing smile when they talk to each other. They would pick fleas off of each other. Who would be able to fight over peas after such a positive, uplifting, and morally correct session of good old fashion mating. Ook ook.

The Edward

Aluminium Hat

What is worth saving? Say you had some treasure, some great and vast treasure! But you want to save it for a rainy day or for your wedding night. So you hide this treasure away, won't let anyone see it, won't let anyone touch it, or lay a single finger on this great treasure. The days turn into years, the years into decades, and you keep this valuable treasure away from your fellow man. Surely this treasure that was once so valuable years ago when you were young has increased in value many fold! Everyone was so hot and bothered to get their hands on it way back then, now they must be killing themselves to just get a peek at it.

Years ago, there was this valuable metal. It was shiny and very, very hard to come by. Some smart people figured a way to get small amounts of this precious metal together. Rich people made things out of this metal. I hear they even made some crowns out of it. A bar of it was even on display next to the French Crown Jewels. Everyone want this new metal! Now a days, it would be hard to give it away. Its value has decreased now that we know how to turn bauxite into Aluminium. Something so precious in its time that it was sought by kings, and now I throw away stacks of it every day after I drink my Cola from it.

This stories are obviously related. People value some things, not realizing that there could be an endless supply of it coming down the pike. Why save it? Why not get the most out of it while you are young?! Enjoy the gifts you have, for the longer you keep them hidden away from the probing hands of others, the less valuable they become and the less you will enjoy their possessions.

I guess what I am really saying is have sex. What you have isn't really that important or special in the grand scheme of things. And if you don't use it while you can, you will realize your mistake too late to enjoy it. It is always sad to me when I meet an older woman who held on to her chastity (or something close to chastity), hoping to give this great gift to that one special person. After a while, they realized that even if they met that one person, he would value their gift less than they would. For these women they have waited so long that it becomes harder and harder to give it up - "if I have waited this long, why give it up now". They will continue to wait, or give up hope, knowing that what they have is so good that eventually someone will see its true value.

If you have a pussy, use it as much as you can. The world is full of it, and there is new pussy coming down the pike. Don't end up being stuck with an aluminium crown.

The Edward

The Perfect Piss

I do not know when it started, all that I know is that it has been with me for as long as I can remember. Probably OCD or something like that. At some point in my distant past, I noticed that pissing made a sound. Yeah, not a brilliant revelation, I'm sure it is one that many people have had. The OCD part came in when I thought to myself "Hmmm... there are a lot of other people in this room besides me. And I do have this thing about people knowing what I am really thinking or doing. A solution! Can I piss in such a way that it makes no sound?" Thus an obsession was born.

Seen, the bowl of a toilet has curves. Each bowl is unique in its curves. Some of the men's urinals (I can not speak for women's urinals) even have a little pocket on the sides, I guess so secret agents can hide stuff there. Out of sight, yet hiding in plain sight. I began to analyze these curves as a means to my goal. Could I vary my position, my relative distance to the bowl, my aim, or any other variables in such a way that when the fluid flows, it hits in such a way to not make a sound? This would be the perfect piss! Or better stated, each piss could be the perfect one.

It is actually quite complex, you want the intersect of two curves to have a smooth differential. No sound is created when particles move from start to finish with no abrupt changes in at least the first derivative. It requires a smooth aim, constant adjustments for variables like wind speed, how long between bathrooms breaks, slight shifts in gravity, etc.

Then is is also the water line - is it a friend or foe? Obviously hitting the water directly would be bad. But right at the edge, the boundary between the two surfaces, it is possible to have the water absorb the impact without a sound, but it requires the skill of a master.

Sure, there is a lot more to it than this - isn't there always? I figured it out a long time ago. I'm sure some of you might have as well, though when I go to a men's room, it never sounds like it. But, I have discovered a flaw in all of this. Indeed, I am living my dream of privacy, but the dragon that haunts my world of piss: it now looks like I enter a stall, stand around for a bit, then leave. If I do not make a sound, and there are many people around, do they ask themselves: "What is he doing over there? He is making the motions, but since I hear nothing, maybe he is doing something else? Maybe he has one of those shy bladders. Ah, isn't that cute. Maybe I'll just go over there and hug him just to let him know it is alright." What they perceive as failure is actually mastery beyond their wildest dreams!

So, even if you can master the art of doing something in such a perfect way that no one else knows you are doing it, you have to add a flaw back into it or else you might seem kind of weird. Now excuse me for a minute, there is something I need to take care of.

The Edward

Brain in a Box

Yes, I know the title can be taken many, many ways. Here is one of them, with the usual long lead up.

I was out sick for the past 4 days. Fever, which always seems to cause an almost hallucinating-like state in me, stuffy, which always causes me to fear that I will choke to death on congealed snot whilst I sleep, and a host of other minor annoyances, which always makes me feel alive. During these fevered hallucinations, I had a vision. Well, more of a thought than an actual "Oh my god, I am seeing the face of my lord! And he is telling me something! 'Kill the something something humans!' Wait, no, I think he is saying, 'kill the Martians to save the humans!' I'm glad I listened a little closer the second time." Never had one of those, just kind of fevered dream where things seem crystal clear - like one is supposed to feel as one is dying.

I realized that software companies want a brain in the box. Actually, most employers want that. They want you, as you are when you are at your best. I realized while I was sick, I couldn't even write in my blog let alone write world changing software while solving the Martian invasion problem. I also saw my mental processes as a continuum, with the health of my body affecting how far up the continuum I could be. But companies, and I guess people in general, tend to think of people as a snapshot. "When we hired you, you could walk on water. Now that you have this head cold, you seem to be drowning in small puddles of water. Still, we except you to be here and produce the same level of work output, so get cracking. Take on for the team." The team always seems to be a bunch of bastards who want you to take one for them. Why doesn't the team ever take one for you? Bastards.

I admit, I am still kind of out of it. Based on the blog post I have made this evening, would you trust me to write software that would be responsible for controlling the Laser Eye Surgery machine? Any yet, every day people write software and provide vital services while they are not in top mental states. I do not have a solution to this problem, but it makes me trust stuff a lot less.

Ones intellect is dependent on the state of ones being. So, don't interview for a job when sick. Don't write mission critical code when feeling under the weather. No matter how good you are, when you make a mistake while sick, they will not remember the sick part, just the "Wow, this person who lived 10 million years ago was the cause of the downfall of the human race. How could she have made a mistake like that - just this simple switch had to be thrown. Idiots, all of them! Doesn't seem worth bringing them all back from the dead with this nifty alien technology that we posses."

You are more than a brain in the box (at least in this world, whether you are really a brain in the box in the real world is for some other posting), you are "you and your environment". Improve your environment, and you improve yourself! Even if it is something as simple as quiting your job - the one that has the crappy environment. You will soar to greater heights than you knew possible, because it wasn't possible with that crappy environment. You are more than just you!

The Edward

My Future

Continuing with the introspection, which I am sure is a real joy to read, I was reminded of something today, something that had put me into this introspective mood a year ago. I was in a local pasta shop with some friends. After we had ordered and gotten our food, this woman walked in. Okay, it wasn't this woman, since I do not have one in my hands right now, but a woman walked in. She seemed normal at first. Then she walked up to the counter to order and did so. Shocking, I know. What she did next though... she stripped off her clothes and danced to Mozart on the table. Okay, it wasn't that shocking or interesting. She took some money out of her wallet and laid it on the counter. But she didn't give it to the clerk, and the clerk did wait for it. Instead she moved up really close to the bills and started to smooth them out.

She continued to smooth them for the entire time we were there, maybe 10 minutes. Everyone in the restaurant politely looked away, since it was obvious that she had an obsession. She seemed fine when she talked and ordered, and didn't reek of low IQ, so she probably was OCD. I sat there contemplating her and her fate when I realized something. Since everyone looked away, did she know what she looked like in other people's eyes? Did she realize how bad her OCD really was? Without that feedback loop, I doubt it. People cared too much to tell her the truth and she spiraled downward.

Well, I am assuming a lot of the above. The interesting thing for me is that earlier that day, when the time of seating at this restaurant had arrived, my friends went out of their way to find the ideal seat for me. See, when I walk into a restaurant, I immediately scan the place for the ideal seat. Just something about a certain place that I like. Actually, it built up over the years. I found that strangers sitting next to me annoy me, then the people behind me started in as well. Now it is that I jump at noises from certain directions, so I need to sit in a certain seat or I get jumpy.

So, in looking at this woman, I realized that I was heading down that path, if I wasn't there already. I realized all of the things that my friends do for me to make me more at ease when in public with them. And I realized that I have some level of this OCD.

What this made me feel is sad, but not for myself, but for my friends. I have chosen to let things annoy me, I know this to be true so I am willing to live with my choices. But I realized how hard it must be to be around me. Things that they never had to think about in their lives, like which table or which seat or how many people were on an elevator or etc, they now think about when around me.

I vowed to overcome it, which is the main reason I took this spiffy new job at a place that has four people per office. It is very tough on me - I feel drained all of the time. I hope to be less of a burden to those around me, those whom I call friends.

Maybe some day, we will all walk hand in hand down to a restaurant and boldly just sit wherever we want to, no matter where it is, or how loud the people are around the table. And on that day, birds will sing! Children will laugh! And there will smiles on everyone's faces, even the happy little puppies!

The Edward

Musical Eatery

I was in Vegas last week and while having a great time there I learned quite a few interesting things about the world and the people around me that I call Humans. See, I've been going to restaurants for years - I eat out for most every meal. Something that I noticed about some places, they have live music. I always thought that everyone was like me - they found the live music annoying and were very glad when the musicians took a break from torturing the eaters. On this trip I found that this is not true.

While dinning at a place with my friends who were on the this wild trip with me, I commented on the annoyingness of the music. They said that they liked the music. I was taken aback for a few seconds while I pondered this. I look around at the other people in the restaurant and saw them in a new light. When the band finishes a song, they always clapped. I just assumed it was to be polite, kind of a "wow, they are finally finished! But, I do not want them to feel bad for forcing us to listen to them play, so I will validate them a bit with some hand slapping.", but it wasn't so! The people were probably clapping because they were enjoying the music and they wanted the band to know it. I had never considered this before...

So, with this new insight, I asked my friends at the table, and they said "Yes, the music is good. It matches the ambiance of the place. And when the band takes a break, everyone can talk again." Their statements didn't make sense to me, but it seemed to to them, so I accepted their words at face value. People can actually enjoy the music at restaurants!

I guess in retrospect, it makes sense. If customers all found it as annoying as I do, they could save themselves a lot of money on band expenses by just not having one. Since they spent the time and money having a band, it must add to the experience of the customers. Logically, it seems to make sense that most people enjoy it. I guess it was something that I never could have guessed, since it really was something that I never considered.

The Edward

A Man in Vegas

I was in Las Vegas yesterday. I had one of the strangest experiences there. I had been telling people before I went to Vegas that I was going to win $10 million. People called me crazy. I sensed doubt from them. But when I arrived in Vegas, I found that Megabucks was up past $10 million! So, played for a bit.

While I was playing, I was contemplating my victory. I asked myself, what will it be like when I win? People will ask me what I plan to do with the money, and I will tell them I was going to use it to fund my research. Or even make up something really weird, like use the money to promote the color red.

While lost in my thoughts, an old man came to my attention. He was standing next to me - too close for my comfort and so close I was surprised that I hadn't notice him approaching somehow. He spoke to me. He said "You are xx years old. What are you going to do if you win that $10 million dollars?" xx was indeed my age, so I was surprised. I usually just ignore people whom I do not know, but this was kind of odd, so I stopped playing the machine to pause to think what I was going to say to him.

I decided to just blow him off, so I smiled and said "I'm going to retire." He looked at me and said "No your not." Then he said "I guessed your age. You are not going to win. If you did win, you wouldn't quit working. You are not going to retire. You are not going to buy a boat, move to Florida, and sail for the rest of your days."

I was kind of taken aback. I was still unsure what to think of this situation. I decided to be honest, but curt, so I said "You are right, I wouldn't retire." He smiled, turned around and walked away.

I wonder still about this event in my life. Who was he? Was it a coincidence that he asked me the very question I was pondering how I would answer if asked? I guess I will never know...

The Edward

A day in Vegas

I was in Las Vegas yesterday. I was walking around comtemplating my life, as I always do while in Vegas, when I stumbled upon a thought. I have this nifty new job and all, but something seems to be missing. So I thought about it while walking around. I had just entered Casino Royale when I said to myself, "Should I stay or should I go? If I stay it could be trouble, but if I go it would be double." which left me no closer to a decision. I need a justification for my decision, whatever it might be. Then I saw a sign, "Change"!

-Edward

The Man Who Would Be King!

I was listening to my previously mentioned Joy of Science CD set when I stumbled upon a curious idea. The speaker was talking about some science dude from the good old US of A, though of course this dude's name actually eludes me. The speaker commented that though this guy did a something great for science, he had given himself the title of Lord (US citizens are title free, normally). Everyone at that time made fun of him, even the speaker on the CD set poked fun at this guy for giving himself the title of Lord. I didn't quite understand.

What is a Lord? Who gives out these titles? Why can one not start calling oneself Lord SomethingOrOther? Is it in the blood? Are Lords a different species than human? How would you spot a Lord in public? If you exhumed a hundred random bodies and included a Lord or two's bodies in the mix, could someone find the Lord? If not, then what is a Lord but an imaginary title, something that only exists in ones mind.

If I started calling myself Lord, what would be wrong with that? Do I need someone else to tell me that I can call myself Lord? Who would that person be? Why do I need that person to tell me that I can use the title Lord? What if that person told me in private that I can call myself Lord, but no one else was around to hear it, could I still use the title, or would people call me out?

How can someone give out titles to other people? It assumes that the title giver is giving out a title that is less than theirs, or else anyone could just hand out one of these nifty titles. So there is a top dog, and this top dog can say "You people, you are now bigger dogs than before, and I will let everyone know this, but I am still the top dog."

I really do not understand where these titles come from - it really seems so unreal. I guess I use a title, I have The in front of my name. Though, this wasn't something I thought of myself, someone else gave it to me. This person giving me the title of The is just as valid as someone giving someone else the title of Lord. Why not go out and Lord someone today!

The Edward

PS I actually have the title of Pope as well. I heard someone on Art Bell's show one night many years ago. He had his own church, and he clearly stated that everyone listen right then was now officially a Pope in his church! So, with the title of Pope, which seems to be a pretty high and mighty title, I hereby give all of my readers the title of Lord. Enjoy! And tell me how your friends and acquaintances treat you now that you call yourself Lord.

The Clothes

I saw something interesting the other day. It does seem that I see something interesting every day, but I guess how this blog came about. I saw two women talking in an office setting. One of them was obviously the boss of the other. How could I tell? Genius! Okay, I could tell not only by the body language, but by how they were dressed. I realized that other people could also tell she was an important person by the way she dressed. I then extended that to realize that the clothes really do make the person.

Everyone dresses their role. Would you ever expect to see a CEO wearing ripped up shorts and a t-shirt that says "Shit happens" on it? Even in the privacy of his/her own home? Never. And why is that? Because they have to dress the way they do or else people would know that they are important.

If people wore no clothes, no jewelry, no nothing, how would people know who is important? Body language, you say. How about in an email or in a blog where one never sees the other person? The words they use, the topics they discuss, etc, would give you an idea of who they are.

But what does this all mean? Aren't people just free entities, able to explore this rich world of ours, to live their lives, to be equal to all other humans? No, actually. People need to label and classify the group and level of themselves and others. Even the words I chose to use like "is important" were chosen to show the bias, because who can be more important than anyone else? It is all a belief, all created by each person, as to how important they really are, and how important they want others to see them as.

You can fool the masses. You can dress like a CEO - just walk into the store and by the clothes. You can learn to hold yourself like one as well. You can talk about the things that they talk about. What do you think this would do? As they say in Science: try it!

Why did I pick a topic that is so obvious? People know that the clothes make the man. I know I have heard it all of my life. But, I think it is all an act. If you start acting like someone else, or a different station in life, you will become that person/station. CEOs and such do not dress the way they do because they want to, they do it because it is an agreed upon way to mark themselves so that others might approach them with the correct attitude. How embarrassing would it be to start working at a new company, be less than friendly to some wandering stranger in the hallway, only to later find out that it was the founder/owner of that company?

So, it works both way. One can move up the ranks of society, and in doing so one must update ones wardrobe. Or one can dress as the upper ranks and one will nature rise with the force of the rest of humanity pushing them upward.

It is hard to dress in a manner that one believes is not right for them. If you change your clothes, you will change who are you. Try it.

The Edward

I'm not touching you

I have new job. It takes me between 20 to 45 minutes to drive there and an equal time to drive back. But I'm in luck! I bought the 60 part series called "The Joy of Science" back when I had my old, stale job. Back then, I lived so close to work that the CD player didn't even have a chance to warm up, so the CDs languished. Now, I am going through a CD a day! Oh joy! (See, I am seeing the bright side of traffic - in your face therapist! Or better yet, in your face people who tell me that I need a therapist! Okay, no one has ever told me that I need one and I never have gone to one. I guess people who know me know that if I ever went, I would be locked away immediately, so they keep their suggestions to themselves, for the fear that they would lose the goodness in their lives that they call The Edward to some psyche ward in the middle of Arkham, for all they know.)

See this fits into my New Year's resolution. I decided that I wanted to dedicate myself to my two main passions in life: science and pussy. So far this year, based on what I actually spend my time on, I would have to say it has turned out to be: TV and food. Close, but no cigar - if you know what I mean. So, to rectify (rectum?! darn near killed 'em!) this situation, I took this job that was far away at a place that is 50-50 men to women. So, I get to listen to science-y stuff on the way to work, and I get to be surrounded by women I will never get a chance to go out with. A win-win situation, to some.

In listening to this CD set, I realized something. Or better yet, I remember that I realized something when I was 10 years old, but was reminded of it on this CD. See, I have an aversion to touch. I'm working on it, but for most of my life, the thought of touching a human has been repulsive to me. Even the feeling of stuff against my skin just made my skin crawl. Probably that darn religious upbringing that told me that all physical pleasure was a sin, so even comfy bedsheets didn't bring me pleasure until recently. But now, oh my...

So, what I remembered/realized is that it is impossible for me to touch someone - it is actually physically impossible for any object in this universe to touch anything else. I can't actually touch anyone! Though, I guess I can get close enough to catch something - germs do not seem to understand this no-touching logic. So this really doesn't help me personally, this newly rediscovered insight.

If two objects are neutral or even attracted to one another, like elementary particles, and they get really close, they can not touch. Just like one can not put two dots on a line that touch. If one places a dot at the one inch mark, that sets a bounds, and it is mathematically impossible with real numbers to have to bounds touch - so two points can not touch! Any two points that can be placed, one can always place something in-between them. It is a set theory thing, but it is also true in our Universe of quanta.

My question has always been, if this is a quantum based world (ie a Universe with only discrete distances, ie a minimum distance to which no objects can get closer than), then what is that distance? Mathematically, it must exist. We know it exists within atomic structures, which is how we can make lasers, but what about outside of the atom, or even sub-atomic? Is this the Space that requires another dimension to describe? Like the classic hose problem? (From far away, a hose looks like a line, but if one gets close enough, one can see that that hose not only has length, but is cylindrical so an ant could not only walk its length, but also go around its thickness. ie it has more dimensions than it appears to have at a reasonable distance.)

Do not really have a stunning conclusion to this one. Just some thoughts of stuff from the past few months. But we now know a little more about each other, and isn't that what this is all about?

The Edward

Trapped

Have you ever seen Defending Your Life? I remember loving that movie years and years ago. I believe that I saw it more recently and didn't care for it as much - Albert Brooks really just annoys me as the perpetual nebish. Still, it had some really amazing scenes, some very funny and some that I still think about to this day. All of the interesting lines in the movie were delivered by Rip Torn's character: Bob Diamond. Do yourself a favor, watch this movie.

The one quote that I think about frequently is applicable to this blog and my time away. A problem is how I store information, though I guess most people store information this way, so I am not stating that I am unique in this way, just that I store information this way. I remember things by what I was thinking at the time the even in question happened. And I do not remember words, because I do not think in words. I remember the quote I am interested in, and I remember the power I feel when I think of it, but I just do not remember the words, just the thoughts it inspires within me. When I try to come up with the words to my favorite quotes, I do not even get close to the words, or even the actual meaning of the quote - it looses something in the translation back to English. So, with all of this stated, let's get to the my version of the quote.

Albert Brooks' character is dead and has to defend his life in order to move to the next phase of life. Very interesting premise for me. Rip Torn plays his lawyer in the afterlife. The people who work in the after life use around 50% of their brains, while in the movie we on Earth are considered to use only 3%. Using his big brain, Rip's character appears to Albert's character to be a sly lawyer who uses every trick in the book to defend Albert's characters life. At one point in the movie, Rip Torn's character misses a court date. The next time they meet, Albert's character is upset, he feels let down. He demands to know where Rip's character was, why he missed the court date. Rip's character says that Albert's character just wouldn't understand. He says try me. Okay, so here is the quote part. "I was trapped at the intersection of thought." Albert's character says, "Your right, I don't understand."

The Edward