Thinking

I've seen many Taco Bell commercials in my day. (Commercials are those things that used to interrupt our shows, stealing 1/3 of our lives before TiVo allowed us to skip them all.) They asked us to Think Outside the Bun. Kind of a takeoff on Think Outside the Box.

Well, I have a confession to make. I've thought outside the bun all my life. Sure, I've thought about thinking inside of the bun - seen the movies and various websites, and they all do make it seem so interesting, but is it really? I believe that all of those people are actors, so they could just be putting on a show, making it look like a lot more fun that it sounds. That's why I'm glad we have companies like Taco Bell. They are telling it like it is, giving people choices. Let people know it is okay to say "Yeah, I know we've been going out for a long time and I do love you, but I do not think I will ever be happy with thinking inside the bun. Are you okay with that? I am just not a bun thinker."

Maybe if one slips a finger in the bun, rather than a full on thinking... I guess I would have to say "To each their own." Though, if we go back to the original idea, The Box...

I've been in many meetings at many companies, all who want us to Think Outside of the Box. This one is a harder one to comply with (in theory, though in practice...). Sure, I've spent almost all of my life Thinking Outside of the Box, but you know, most days I think I would enjoy Thinking Inside the Box again. Every once in a while, just to keep the memory alive of what it was like. Oh yeah, Thinking Inside of the Box... much more acceptable than Thinking Inside of the Bun.

And of course to make sure we uphold the ideal of thinking outside of the box: a finger in the box is always okay, since we wouldn't be really thinking. I'm off to do a little thinking on my own.

The Edward

Addams

I've always been a fan of Mr. Addams. Sure, I saw the TV show first, then discovered it was based on older cartoons that appeared in Playboy. This of course lead to my fascination with Playboy and naked women, then on to the harder stuff. I guess Addams was a gateway drug to hardcore porn.

Beyond that, there were the movies, then another TV series, etc. Addams legacy lives on! His works show us a glimpse into another world, a world where the rules are different than the "real" world. I must confess, it warped my little mind back then. I try to live the Addams life style. See the world the Addams way. "Seek out the dark forces and join in their hellish crusade."

They are finally releasing the original TV show on DVD next month! Then, I can own all of them... except for the crappy new show which really never got into the Addams spirit.

When I am feeling down in the dumps, I fire up the 2 movies, and they never fail to cheer me up. They have such a positive outlook on life. No matter what others think of them, they live how they want to live. They surround themselves with death and despair, because they realize these things are not real. The Addams Family is a wake up call, to realize that nothing in this world makes sense, so why not create your own sense of reality? And that is what I do.

So, cheers to Mr. Addams and all like him - those who envision a world different than yours and those around you. At least, that is what I am guessing based on movies and TV, since my world is different. My Arcane World.

The Edward

Powers

The Covenant - horrible movie, but an interesting point: if you had been born with specials powers, could do something that no one around you could do, how would you know? How could you develop them? Skills require a long time to develop, more than one human lifespan. So, you can learn to do something more effectively if someone teaches you, just as that person learned and expanded a bit upon the knowledge of someone else. If you are the first with an ability, you need to seek out others with your powers, if any exist. Together, you could discover what you couldn't separately. Kind of like sex: solo vs couple, but with powers!

How would you know if you had powers? If the method of releasing them were complex. What if it required beating yourself with a baseball bat, how would you find out? If it involved slipping a bat inside one of your lower cavities, I've seen pictures, and none of those people look like they had any special powers, except the power to excite others. But there are easier ways for that power to manifest.

How do you think you might become invisible? Or fly? Would you really trust jumping off of a building? How would you know that flying only works off of buildings less than 20 feet high or greater than 30 feet high, and you happen to be on a 25 floor building this time? Or that you become visible again when seeing naked people... scary stuff! (Since I do not believe in inductive reasoning, ever event appears to be unique. Just because I could fly yesterday in no way implies I could fly today. So, how could someone like me ever find or use powers? :(

What kind of powers could or do exist in this world? Sure, we've all seen a man fly, but have we seen a man with the ability to see through women's clothing (or through any material in the Universe except bra and panties)? In comics, mentalists can make people do whatever they want, but maybe in the real world, one can only make people act like chickens or dump you to sleep with your best friend? Then there is The Flash, people with super speed, but what if they lack the lighten quick reflexes needed at those speeds, so they become the next smear on the wall - or so fast in bed that they lead sad lonely lives? So many possible powers, yet I see so few to choice from in literature. I hope the world is more complex when it comes time to discover my real secret powers!

What about side effects of powers? Using them caused a sun somewhere in the universe to go out, or some one on this planet to suffer or die, or it shortened your life? Is it just better to stay with the flock, pretend that you are the same? Or take a chance, try to be someone new, try out your powers, sure it might kill you (or someone else or some far off planet), but it could make you stronger, or allow you to find others like you, or teach you something you could pass along to future people like you. But, how could you find them to pass or get passed info? With a blog!

The Edward

Cheater!

So, this post is tied to the next/previous (depending on the order in which you are reading these). What constitutes cheating? (on a spouse, boy/girlfriend, SO, pet, etc)

I watched some Court TV in my day, so I know a little about divorce. There was often claims of cheating. But, what did they mean by that? It seemed that they always associate cheating with sex. "My husband slept with his secretary. And not only that, they had sex while in bed together!" "My wife was letting the copy boy in the office bang her in the copy room, while he was still making copies!" But, is that all there is to it? If you are with someone, and they had sex with someone else, would you consider yourself cheated on? But, what is sex? Well, as I stated in Technical Virgin, one might consider any act that one wears a condom during to NOT be cheating. But, would you really feel that way? "Dear, I was doing a few of the women in the office the other day, but no need to worry I was wearing a condom the whole time. Because, I would never want to cheat on you!", "I love you too, dear. Thanks for being so considerate." That conversation will probably never happen in anyone's life. But, maybe it should...

But, is sex all that is required for cheating to have occurred? What about kissing? If you found your SO kissing someone else, would you think you have been cheated on? Would that be grounds to end a relationship? Or does it really require sex (whatever that is)? How about hugging? What if they just got naked together? Slipped a finger in the ass? Went to a doctor?

What about just emotional bonding? This is a hot topic these days: Work Spouses. One has a person at work of the sex one is attracted to that they bond and share feelings with. If you share you feelings with someone, things you do not tell your SO, are you cheating on that person? Isn't cheating actually just depriving the person of some part of you, ie to cheat them out of you? So, "sex" with someone is not sharing that experience with your SO. Going to lunches every day with the same people and sharing your problems, isn't that also cheating your SO of that bond?

What am I saying? If you are close to someone you are just as guilty of cheating as if you had sex with that person (with or without a condom)? Yes, that is what I am saying. So, if you are close to someone, you might as well sleep with them as well, since it really is the same: cheating on your spouse, girl/boyfriend, SO, pet, etc.

The Edward

Technical Virgin

What defines a virgin? What defines cheating? If you are not a virgin and want to determine if what you are about to do would be cheating, how about this definition: if you were a virgin, and you did this act, would you still call yourself a virgin? Doesn't the word virgin imply a sexual virgin? (in this case vs in a long ago blog) If so, then anything that would change your state from virgin to non-virgin would be a sexual act, but is the converse true? So, I've been thinking, what is a virgin and what would be cheating?

At some point in your life, you are/were a virgin. When did that status change? Assume a virgin. After which of these would this person no longer be a virgin: After masturbating? Masturbating while someone else is in the room? Someone holding this person while masturbating? Both people masturbating themselves? Masturbating each other? A finger or two inside?

Still there? Now, focus explicitly on women (since society recognizes women's virginity more than men's): Using a dildo? Someone holding the dildo but not touch this woman? Someone holding her while she used a dildo? Wearing the dildo on ones body while the woman was using it? Say the dildo was hollowed out, so one slips a finger in the dildo while she is using it? How about a man touching the end of the dildo with his divine rod? Putting his johnson inside of the hollowed-out dildo while she is using it? Making the dildo thinner, so that the man could feel the inside of the woman while she was using it? Making the dildo so thin, it is actual a condom?

If a woman did which of these things would you scoff if she said she was still a virgin? What about two women or two men? Starting from the same point, where can they say "Nope, not a virgin."? I've heard people say "Penetration, that is where virginity ends. For the guy, once he goes it, and for the women, once a guy is inside." So, what about lesbians who do not penetrate? Is there something to these L.U.G.s? (Lesbians Until Graduation)

I've also heard: sex is an act defined by the ability to procreate. Does that mean that lifetime gays will always be virgins? They also said that when getting married in the Catholic Church, the wedding isn't consummated until sex happens without a condom. This implies none of the above list makes one a non-virgin!

Then there is oral and anal sex, which some claim isn't really sex either. (Bill Clinton for the first, and a group called Technical Virgins for the second.)

So, it would seem that there are possibly a lot of things one could do and still claim to be a virgin. And, if these acts do not make one a non-virgin, by my definition, they are not sex. It seems that as long as one uses a condom, one may claim virginity!

The Edward

PS I think I will explore more on cheating in the next blog (or previous in blog-listed order). But it is tied to this one...

Disturbing...

I just found a few disturbing things that I will share with you. I always did like you best! And maybe some day, you can share something with me, or set me up on a date. Because after you read the first item, you will believe that you owe me one!

I was looking up the word Reese's for the previous post, which took me to the Hershey's site. Once there, I thought I might find a link to a place where I could buy their delicious candy in bulk, something to keep me warm at nights. ("Who's my favorite box of chocolates? You are, my 1,000 count KitKat. Why don't you move a little closer, it is kind of chilly in here. There isn't anyone else around, why don't we just slip you out of your packing crate. I'll just reach into your box and start munching on some goodness. Oh yeah, that is what I am talking about. Oh chocolate, you taste so good I just want to feel you all over my body. Suddenly, I feel tired, we'll talk in the morning.") That is what led me to there link for retail, where I found this: Retail. Look closely, this is the website that Hershey's is using to convince movie theatres to by their chocolate for the concession stands. Notice the Shelf Life category... the candy in theatres could sit there for a year! That is very disturbing! Grocery stores do not keep candy that long! Remember that next time you thing about putting down twenty bucks for a candy bar at the movies. Instead, buy one at the local grocery store for a lot less, then shove it down your pants so that you can sneak it into the theatre, thereby avoiding the disturbing candy bars for sale in the theatre lobby.

The other disturbing thing for me was the Blogs of Note category on blogger. It seems that they pick some random blogs and claim that there is something special about them, that they embody the ideals of blogger. So, I clicked on a few of them. Oh my god. They were filled with the tritest blogs I have ever seen! And the comments! They have 10+ comments per post telling the blogger how riveting their blog was. Is that what people really want to read? Surface level kind of talk? If I switched over to a happy kind of "You can do it!" blog, blogger would say "Wow, this is some cool shit! Our readers will crap there pants in excitement after reading about "How all people are really one" as expressed through "I saw this man on the street, and I realized that we are all strangers here. That's it. Isn't that mind-blowing?"" Where is the depth? Where is the personality? I want to read blogs that have character! I want to see things that will make me think, wonder about the person I am reading about, shock me, tell me something interesting... anything that isn't trite. But those are the Blogs of Note. Bland, boring, soulless, and fit for the masses.

I realized that I do not want those types of people reading my blog, just as I do not want to read theirs. I hope that in some way you enjoy what I write. (or what you read) If I have left a comment on your blog, it is because I thought there was something special about what you had to say.

The Edward

PS Yeah, you can tell by the sentence structure, the tone, and the topic that it is way late for me. Surprising since I haven't even been up for 12 hours yet. I just want to let you know, we are all the same. And we are all strangers here. We do not belong, which is the bond that makes us all the same. And strangers. Here.

Finger in the ass

I was watching Family Guy last week. Funny as usual, but it also dealt with a topic which is a very serious health concern for men: finger in the ass. Peter went to the doctor for some random reason, and while there the doctor told him he needed a prostate examination. He was skeptically, but followed the doctors directions of disrobing and bending over the table. Then the doctor, using the current medically approved means of checking a prostate, stuck his finger in Peter's ass. Peter felt sexually violated by this act. But why?

Why is a finger in the ass a sexual thing? Is a finger in the mouth? In the ear? In the vagina? Why? The finger can not easily be used to procreate (would require a lot of manipulation and transferring of fluids), so I do not believe it is considered a sexual organ. When I whip out my fingers to use a pencil at work, I've never heard a gasp from anyone. Or when I used my fingers at the table to eat, people haven't left the table in disgust. I do not think I have ever seen a picture of only a finger and thought it was porn.

So, maybe it is the ass part of this equation that is sexual. So, when one goes to the bathroom to deposit yesterday's lunch, do people think that that is a sexual act? Once someone takes a shit, are they are no longer a virgin? Ass seems to perform a set of bodily functions, none of which are involved in the act of procreation in humans.

My question still stands, why would someone feel that a finger in the ass is a sexual act, even if it is preceded by "Don't worry, I'm a doctor"? I'm not sure why, but it definitely feels that way. Is it inborn, or social? Would someone from a different culture say "Finger in the ass as sexual? You are mad! That is how we greet each other in my country. And why we do not shake hands."? Or maybe it is the combination, "finger" and/or "ass" = nothing, but "finger and ass" = sexual. Just like peanut butter and chocolate = Reese's = goodness!

I have a much longer train of thoughts on this, which I will explore in the next few days: "How does a sexual act become non-sexual when a doctor is involved?" "Any act that you can no longer claim "I'm still a virgin" after is a sexual act." and of course "What does it mean to be a virgin?" Here is a taste of the future: If a women goes on a date with a guy and he gets a couple of fingers into her vagina, is she still a virgin? What if she goes to a doctor and he needs to slip a few digits in there, would she still be a virgin?

The Edward

PS I did something stupid. There was this link on blogger that said "Click me, and I will make all of your dreams come true! We will convert your account and blog over to our new beta blogger, and we will give you more features than you can shake a stick at!" So, I did. And now that shaking stick has screwed me. I guess the feature I was really looking for in a blog is the inability to post comments to other people's blogs, which is a feature for me now that I am "beta"! They have a work around though: post all comments to non-beta blogs as anonymous! Very nice. Google seems to really know what users want! It also used to be too easy to log in to my blog: I would just go to blogger.com, and I was in and blogging. They fixed that right up, so now I need to log into my Google account each time I want to visit blogger, because it doesn't really remember people any more! Sweet! They have mastered inconveniencing users in two ways with just one button click: longer to log in, and the inability to post! And they will not let me switch my account back! I'd hate to see a company that didn't have a motto of "Do no evil"!

Summary: Do Not Click The Shiny Red Button! Avoid switching your account for the new features! Sure, it would make it easier on me, because I could then post on your blog, but it would be very bad for you. As it stands now, I do not even know if people can post to my blog! Thanks Google!

What? (Part 6)

Part 6 indeed. You thought that Part 5 was the final one just because I said so? You were correct to believe me. I have your back! There were just a few lose ends I wanted to clean up here. And besides, I'm sure part 5 was the final part for some people. I'm sure I will have more to say about this topic in the future, but for now, let's get to this blog entry.

I'm different. You know it. Search your thoughts and you will see that you probably thought I was odd when we first met. Why? Because I wasn't the same. Lack of peer pressure in my life. But is is more than that... I act like a clown, I wear bright colors, I believe things no normal person would, I separate flamboyant from gay (never understood why people think because a guy likes to be flamboyant that he also likes to suck cock - trust me, one doesn't imply the other - at least if the person is "alive") - I live over-the-top in strange ways.

A long time ago, I read a book on influence. I knew that the techniques worked, I just didn't know why. Kind of like the female orgasm. At the time, I had a few other friends who were into influence. We would notice others trying to use it and whether it worked or not; we would get quite a chuckle out of it. Amateurs. Of all of us, I was recognized as the master, because I could unduly influence anyone in the group as well as the normals. Sure, it was fun, but I thought it was more funny. So many stories about this topic...

There was this conservative couple that we knew. I thought of something funny - I told these manipulators that it would be funny to manipulate this couple into having me film them have sex and have them believe it was their own idea! (Of course, as any expert of influence will tell you, the best way to manipulate someone is make them think it was their own idea.) I didn't really believe I could do it, since I at that time thought people had freewill, I just thought it was a funny idea based on the situation and the beliefs of the group I hung with. I was surprised when others told me that they thought I could do it. That was a very shocking idea to me - to use influence to convince someone into doing something that they would normally find abhorrent. As a concept it was funny, but as an actual possible reality, I was not amused. I really only considered influence for simple things, things no one would really care about. Kind of like they say about hypnosis: while under one will never do something one wouldn't normally do. But, these people were telling me that they not only that this could be done, but that I had the ability to do it.

I never did try. I do not keep in touch with any of those people any more, so there is no need to fear that you are one of the people on either side of this story. I took a look around at my life at that time and realized some of the things I had done without really thinking about it. And, because of what I saw, I backed out of society, I became a shut-in. I realized it was too easy to influence people. It was almost like everyone around me was a ghost and I was a strong wind. Very scary to feel that way.

So, if you know me now, know that I go out of my way not to influence people. Really. I'm sure you have noticed me trying sometimes, and you must have thought to yourself (or some people have even said out loud), "I see you trying to do that, I will not be swayed by your mind tricks!" I know. By making it obvious, it has no power. But, it can alert people to tricks others might try. I made it my mission in life to bring people to a higher state. So, I try to move people not with influence but with over-the-top dialog that I hope will get people thinking about things. Even pussy.

When I started writing this whole thing (back when I was not to tired), I had this paragraph as a summary, enjoy:
The question for me is: What do I do now that I know I have this power? But more importantly, the question for you: Why am I telling you this? That, my friend, is a question I will never answer.

Though, it looks like in my tired state, I have inadvertently answered all of my questions, and left no mysteries for you. Now you know why I blog and why I do what I do. It is all for you! :)

The Edward

Final Part of my Friday...

Part five. Figure it out, chimp boy.

I wept not for my loneliness, but because I realized that everyone was asleep. People around me are constantly manipulating and being manipulated by others. And there are people out there who have learned this and can make people do extreme things to one another. And people have to be careful which ideas they expose themselves to so that they do not become someone that they would currently hate to become. And they can be trap in these situations, not because there is no way out (there is), it is just that it requires not listening to others so they do not see it.

I realized that I have a choice, and I exercise it all of the time. I can expose myself to far out ideas. I never have to worry that someone else's words will make me do something I do not want to do. I didn't worry about the affect of my words on others (though I guess I will have to now), since I didn't know there was an affect. Which is why I live over-the-top and say odd things, because the words are just for fun, no matter what.

I can tell by this point that I probably have offended some people who might read this. I believe most people reading this will misunderstand what I am trying to express in words. I can here it now, "You are so arrogant. You believe you are above us all. You believe you have freewill and none of us do. I make choices. I am not one of those weak-willed Mr. Loser types!" It is true that I can not speak for everyone, some of you might be free. How can you tell if I think you are one of us? Do you believe that words can make someone do something? Is it part of your unspoken beliefs? Do you believe that Hitler was guilty of any crime for telling people to do things? Do you believe that the person on the phone telling a fast-food manager to rape someone is guilty of a crime? I do not believe any of these are true. Or, at least what I believe about others based on what I know of myself.

General Semantics talks about all of this. When I first read the books, I didn't understand why they were written - they were so obvious in their truthiness I didn't understand the controversy. Alfred would teach GS, and on his first day of class, he would have someone walk into the room and yell at him, throw stuff around the room, threaten violence, then storm out. He would ask people to write down what they saw so he could press charges. Most of the students were upset at what they thought was a real situation. He would then tell them that the situation was fake. Anything they felt was because of them, not any external tension, because there was no tension, just actors. The words of others have no meaning, save what the hearer gives them.

I can not imagine that there are many people out there like me, based on my memories of the past and what I see of society today. I hope to be proven wrong... In the meantime, I will sit in my high castle and look down on humanity, knowing that Nietzsche was right about at least one thing.

The Edward

Why?

Part 4. First seek out Part 1. Then Part 2. Followed by part 3.

Last we left me on Friday last week, I was bawling like a baby in my office at work. (Not balling like a man with a hot date.) Why? I should be happy! So many of my memories now made sense. So much of my life on Earth that was a mystery to me, suddenly became clear. I should have been dancing in the streets! But I wasn't. Why? Because I then knew what it all meant, why this and so many other things have eluded me for so long. I didn't feel/think the same way as others. Not that I didn't have the same underlying belief (I do not), I know I do not share many common beliefs. Someone in a foreign land has beliefs that I would never even consider, but it doesn't bother me. Or at least it didn't, because I always thought that people choice what to believe, like I do.

People with different religions, different cultures, different ways of life, etc. I assumed that each person chose to live the life they were leading. If they didn't like where they were born, move somewhere. Don't like the desert, find a way out. Don't like the cold, move south. Don't like the ruling body, find like minded people. But, I now know this not to be true. People all over the word are who they are not by choice, but by the choices of others.

People who suicide bomb didn't sit down and think that this was the most rational way to make their point. They were just told their whole lives that that was what life was about. No real choices. The difference between a homeless man with strange opinions and Hitler is the way in which they delivered the message. A homeless person is not high up in the pack mentality of humans, he doesn't use his words correctly to motivate, etc. He could be the next Hitler, if he did things slightly differently, and he would be responsible for the actions of the people he convinced to believe in him. Because humans are that easy to sway.

Sure, I've read a lot books on influence, and I've always said humans are pack animals based on the way they drive and how companies and governments are structured. But, I always thought that was a choice, something to make it easier. "A burden shared is a burden lessened." Not "Alpha human told me to, so therefore I must."

I remember back to when I first started at this current job. There was a few weeks of controversy over a new splash screen. None of the long time engineers liked it. So, they all lined up to tell their manager how unhappy they were about it. I didn't understand. I thought "If you do not want the new splash screen, then don't put it in. No one else can do it except you, so if do not do it, it will not happen." But, they felt compelled to do something that was against their nature, because "word from on high said to do it!". Stop hitting yourself!

When I told people about my shift in understanding, they argued, "What if someone forces you? Puts a gun to your head!" They can not force you. If someone puts a gun to your head and tells you to steal a pack of gum or else, then the person with the gun is responsible for that physical threat, and you for the gum. You decided that your life was worth more than the gum. If someone says "Hey, kill that guy over there or I will go home and get a gun and kill you." Would you do it? If you have seen any movie, you would know that the guy is going to kill you either way, so why do something you do not want to do? He might not even have a gun! (Stories like that (of influence without actual basis) have fascinated me my whole life, so much so that I have sought them out.)

In the past, people have asked me to do things that I didn't want to do. If I do not want to, I do not do them. Often times they will try to manipulate me, which just looks kind of silly to me, to which I still say No.

I'm just kind of rambling now, rehashing in the point, making up extreme cases, etc. What it all meant to me is that I am, and always will be, alone in this world. And as sad as that is, that is not why I wept.

The Edward

Words

Part 3. What did I realize during the conversation? Are you reading this and wondering what I am talking about? Seek out Part 1. Then Part 2.

I realized that the underlying belief that they had was that one person can make someone do something solely with words. That people are not only easily manipulable, but so much so that we have laws and beliefs so ingrained that it appears obvious that someone else can make someone do something that they normally wouldn't do - solely with words.

At first I couldn't believe this. This was why I involved the friend back at the office, previously mentioned. I thought surely she will say something that will point out that I misreading the deeper meaning of my other friends statements. She didn't, she confirmed with her words that she had the same underlying belief. I was in shock and had to think about this.

So, back in my office, with the door closed, I thought about it. And I realized that if what I had realized about words was true, then a whole lot of my tagged memories would now make sense. So it probably was true: people are not really awake. People can make other people do things. Not just "Oh, she had a really compelling argument, so I took action based on her flawless logic." No, "She told me to and that was good enough for me."

Suddenly I understood the Milgram experiments. Why compliments work. I understood why when I was in High School, kids would blame the guy for stealing the girl. I understood how quite a few fast-food managers each year are convinced to rape employees because someone on the phone told them to. I understood why there were Nazi party leaders on trial. I understood why some bands are sued when one of their "followers" kills himself because of lyrics telling him to. So many things at work, in my life, in the news, everywhere - it all made sense if I believed this eldritch underlying premise. And I wept.

The Edward

They started it

In part two: What happen? So, what happened to me last Friday? I was walking back from a local coffee establishment with some coworkers/friends when the conversation turned to responsibility. We were talking about something that had happened and the person who committed the deed was told to do it. The conversation was about whether the person who told someone to do something (we'll call him "Mr. Wordy") was responsible for the crime committed by the other person (we'll call him "Mr. Loser").

I was claiming that Mr. Wordy shouldn't be charged with anything since he didn't commit any crime. The other folks were claiming that Mr. Wordy should be penalized somewhat for his crimes - he should be held responsible for his actions. My counter was that he had no actions, only words - Mr. Loser is solely responsible for the crime and his actions.

Eventually it dawned on me. We were arguing different points. There was an underlying assumption on their part that Mr. Wordy had committed some crime by talking to Mr. Loser, and they were debating with me whether he should pay for his crime or not. My underlying assumption is that only people who take an action are responsible for that action - talking about something is not doing something.

When we got back to the office, I involved another person, asking her opinion on the guilt of Mr. Wordy. She fired back, "What about Hitler? He didn't do anything except talk." To which I agreed, Hitler was guilty of nothing as far as the conversation goes - for the words he spoke. He might have commit other crimes, but anything that happened in "his name" was solely the responsibility of those who took the actions.

What's the difference between Hitler and some homeless person on the street corner yelling his hate? Only that someone listened to Hitler and did what he said. So, Hitler is guilty because other people did something, but the homeless guy is guilty of nothing because no crimes were committed? If they both said the same thing, what is the difference? Other people's actions?

What if there was a program that generated random emails. Say it eventually sent one to someone and through random word choice it appeared to the receiver to contain a very compelling argument to commit some crime. And this person committed that crime, based solely on the email. Who is guilty? Don't we need the person with the thought to be guilty too? But there is no one else. The same with anyone - the words you speak to someone else have no meaning, save what the listen gives them.

If I describe a patentable idea to someone and they patent it to become rich and famous, can I then get money from them because it was my words that inspired them? No. It is the person who took action who is solely responsible, positive or negative.

This was my point. But, once I realized what they were really saying, I realized that my point didn't matter. And that was where it all happened - in that moment of realization of what they were saying really meant.

The Edward

Memory Alpha

Sorry, I had something shocking happen to me on Friday and I have been trying to figure out how to put it into words. So I figured it would be best to break it down over a few blogs to give me time to collect my thoughts. (and write it late at night when I am too tired to focus. okay, that is just a bonus)

I do not know how your memory works. I know how I process my memories, but I do not know if that the same holds true for others. I like to think everyone is just like me - that is what I've always been told. "Assume everyone is just like you and you will get along just fine in this world." But, I do not know that I can assume that any more, if I ever even did.

I consider memory to be flexible. If a group of people are gathered somewhere and something happens, everyone there will give you a different account of the events. Yet, they all believe their memories to be true. Why is that? It can be proven time and again that what they remember about any event is probably wrong, but they still trust their memories. So, why not change your memories? Why leave them as static places in your mind? You do not remember anything accurately anyway, so why not make your memories reflect the way you want things to have been?

I remember back in 8th grade, a friend was talking with his girlfriend and he called her "Peanut Butter." She asked why, and he said because she was easy to spread. And they all laughed. At the time, I didn't get the joke, but I tagged it for later. If I go to a lecture and do not understand some of the concepts or some of the key words, I tag that memory. Then, later on in life, when I understand the basis of the joke, or learn the key word to a lecture, I play the memory back to see if it makes sense. I revise my memories with knowledge that I gained. I can then laugh at the joke, or make sense of the rest of the lecture.

I have a lot of tagged memories. There are many things I didn't understand about the human world. But after Friday, a lot of them now make sense to me. And the results saddened me.

Well, you are probably reading the blog posts in reverse order, so you probably already know what happened, even though I haven't written it at this time. (ideally more people will read this well after I wrote it than are reading it real time, so the likely reader is one from much further in the future, probabilistically) This concludes part one: I had to update my memories to a better understanding. (and all memories are Alpha quality)

The Edward

Salt

This seems like it is going to be another one of those posts about The Real Me, if there is such a thing. I like salt. Though reading through the web I find that most humans crave salt, though no one knows why. (or at least the people who have websites don't know) But, I more than like salt, I crave it. Though, I more than crave it...

I remember back when I was 2.75, I went into the pantry and saw a big container of salt. I knew how much I loved salt on my food, so I figured more salt must be better! So, I chugged it, as much as I could at 2.75. Then I walked out of the pantry, was about to tell my mom what I did, instead I promptly threw up. That was when I found out that there is a limit to how much of a good thing one can have in ones life or stomach. (My mom panicked, because I couldn't tell her what I had eaten because of the endless spewing, so I had to point to the salt, at which point she relax - I didn't know about poisons in the pantry back then.)

My love affair was not deterred by the minor inconvenience in my childhood, I kept at it. Today, I still want salt so much so times that I just pour some in my hand and eat it. (Not my hand, just the salt that my hand holds - portion control I like to thing of it as.) I was telling someone at work about this eating of salt and he suggested, as most people do when I tell them about some of the things that I do, that I see a doctor. After saying "Bah!", I got to thinking, "Maybe there is something wrong with me, besides the other things..." So I did a web search on salt cravings, which finally leads me to my topic! Alien abductions!

It seems that there is a belief that alien abductees crave salt. Well, now that I write it down, it doesn't seem as impressive as it did this morning. There is another tie, but it is a long story involving hypnosis, regression, me being placed here by aliens, and me being abducted through out my life. But, that is for another day.

So, if you crave salt, maybe, just maybe, you have been on The Mothership! Or maybe you know what a doctor would say if I told him that I eat salt.

The Edward

PS Unlike the Cream blog, I can not recommend eating a handful of salt. I'm sure there is a funny way to say that, but I think I am overly tired right now... maybe I need a little salt to get me through the night, but just a little.

The Point of this conversation

You are a good person. You are smart because you read these posts. I like you.

The point of a conversation is not what most people seem to believe it is. You should be trying to make the other person feel good about his or her self. At least that is what The Laid Guide says (and some other books on influence that are not solely based on helping men get into women's panties (by which I do not mean trying to get men to fit into women's panties, but to get to the goods stored inside of those aforementioned panties for the purposes of sex)).

Programmers and other geeks think that people want to be around them because they are witting and clever. So in social situations, they tend to say things that they think everyone else wants to hear, rather than listen to what others are saying. Obviously their cutting jabs are more important than the random banter of others. But, one of the easiest ways to make someone feel good about themselves is to listen to what they say.

Beyond that, use compliments. I read once that even if someone knows that the compliment is "fake", it doesn't matter, it still has a very positive impact on that person's life. But, you probably knew that already - you were always the clever one.

A thing I have seen in my work and home life many times: people get frustrated. Someone wants to explain something to someone else, and the other person is just not getting it. It happens all the time between any two people (models of language and all of that stuff). There are many ways to handle this frustration you feel. You can say something cutting in hopes of shaming them into getting it while making yourself look smarter, which seems to be the common one that I've seen. Or, you can focus on the facts you want to impart, put your ego aside, and try a different approach to explaining it. Sure, you do not get that visceral feeling of putting some idiot in his place, but you actually accomplish that which you set out to do, and in the end, you will both feel better, and feel more at ease in future communications. I know there are many people in my life that I just kind of nod my head for fear of it being ripped off if I ask "too many" questions about the nugget of wisdom just imparted to me. That's right, sometimes I do take that easier route!

I'm sure I do not need to summarize this for you, but here goes: 1) Listen. 2) Compliment. 3) Don't take your frustrations on others with "clever" comments. 4) Focus on why you are communicating in the first place, and strive to achieve that goal.

Though, if your goal is too make everyone around you feel like worthless crap when compared to your overwhelming magnificence and glory, then be sure you are true to your goals. That's what I'm really saying, be true to your goals, and know what they are. And focus.

As always, I look forward to reading your comments.

The Edward

Make with the funny

Well, after posting the other post, the one from long ago, I realized that it might give off the wrong impression. Maybe it contained a little too much truthiness. That, or I wasn't in a funny mood when I wrote it. That, or it was all a pack of lies, filled with a lot of dark, dark humour; humour so intensely dark that it appears to not be funny, but sad and depressing. Either way, at the time I wrote it, it meant something to me, probably something deep and personal, I would guess. Now... I can not say. As we all know, the person who wrote that is dead to me. I am a new person! That, and as I learned on this week's Metalocalypse, true humour comes from hate, so the funnier someone is, the more they must really be filled with hate. Though, since I am not filled with hate, but with the rather large meal I just ate (and the box of Krispy Kreme donuts I use to drown the inner voices of sorrow), I guess my powers of humour are an illusion or just in my mind. Or it just has to rhyme with hate (like "ate"). (or mate) (or date) (or copulate) (or sex)

Which leads me to the title of this blog. I guess I am too full of it and too tired to be funny, and reading the previous post (the next one in sequence from this one) was kind of a bummer. So, to overcome the major downer of the other post, I will have to go over the top with this one, though, by this point, it doesn't seem like I will, since I have already wasted two paragraphs and this really long run-on sentence, which doesn't seem to want to end itself until now.

Hmmm... over the top... So, I was banging this chick the other day. Okay, that is all I know of Andrew Dice Clay's routine, but I hear the people are liking his comic stylings. (This is still the 80's, right?) So, this man walked into a bar, and said "Ouch!". I guess I do not do well with the standard jokes. Let me try something else.

It's amazing! It is wonderful! People will kill themselves to be the first on their block to own it! Whole herds of buffalo will sit down and dine on ostrich livers until they puke just for the chance to say that they heard of it! Whole countries will buy shovels and move the very earth itself just to have their country closer to the place of its inception! Pickles will have sex with women! Well, that last one really doesn't have anything to do with it, just something I was looking at on my screen at the time. Ah, food. Ah, pussy. Ah, Non-Aristotelian Systems and General Semantics.

Well, I think I pretty much covered all of the things I have posted about in the past. So, now I am done with this meta post. Though, I never meta a post I didn't like... :P

The Edward

I'm not mad

I have often had people assume that I was upset with them or mad at them. True, I seem to upset easily. But realize that it is usually based on events in what I believe the to be the world around me. But upset with someone else, a living person, a fellow human being... I do not think I could do that.

Since I know everything I perceive to be in my mind, and that which I perceive probably isn't what anyone else does, on an intellectual level, how can I really be upset with anyone else since I really do not know anyone else? I know this to be true, and so I know that I am actually upset with the Universe.

The Universe made me. It set up the limits on the way I can experience it and limits on what I can do within its confines. If someone does something: that is an event. If I upset myself at that event, it doesn't really matter what the cause is (or who caused it), to me it is just an event in the Universe, so I blame it.

Say I want to get somewhere quickly in my car. There normally is no traffic at the time of day in question, yet I seem to suddenly be surrounded by morons who have never even seen a steering wheel before and are unaware which foot makes their car go. Can I blame the idiots around me? No. The Universe put them there at that time, and for a reason which seems to be beyond my ability to fathom.

When I sit in a restaurant or movie theatre, I sit as far away from people as I can. Invariably the loudest group of people with screaming kids will walk in and decide that where I am located is the ideal place in the Universe to be at that moment in time. Why do they choose there and then? The Universe made it so. I may seem upset to people who know me, and most time people think I am upset with the group that is interfering with my plans of quiet, but that is not true. I am upset with the Universe, so moving to a different location isn't going to make it better, because I know that the Universe is still there. Waiting. Watching. Planning when to strike next.

So, if you see me "suffering" because of a situation, and think, "Hey, there might be an easy fix for this! Let me see if I can help. I'll suggest that we move somewhere away from the noisy bastards." just remember, the Universe is out to get me and I am not upset with what is going on or the people involved, but that the Universe is making it happen in the first place. There is no fixing it within the confines of this universe. And I apologize for giving you the wrong impression.

The Edward

PS I usually do not do this, but I actually wrote this a while ago, though I am posting it here for the first time. Reading through it now, the tone sounds bitter to me, like bad chocolate, but that wasn't the intent. Read it with a happy tone! (Though, by this time, you probably already read through it, so it is probably too late... maybe I should have put this at the top of the post?) It is truly how I see the Universe - there is a conscious force actively foiling my every plan, which is why I do not tell anyone my real plans, not even myself. That will show the Universe who is boss! :) And sure, traffic and crowds suck, but what really gets me is the people I missed out on because of timing...

St. Ives

"As I was going to St. Ives, I met a man with seven wives. Each wife had..." I should have started this blog entry with "Stop me if you have heard this one before", so let's just assume that I did, which is why I stopped.

St. Ives was one of those children's riddles/rhymes that almost all of us have heard as children. This St. Ives one was one that I simply hated. I guess I learned to hate at an early age. The question at the end of the riddle: How many were going to St. Ives? And the answer? One - I, as in "As 'I' was going to St. Ives." Why did I hate it so? It doesn't state the initial direction of the man and his wives with all of their kids and kits and such. Surely a group as large as this man's would be moving much slower than I as a solitary traveler, so it is likely that group was also on the road going towards St. Ives. But the claim of the adults telling this woeful tale stated that I was the only one explicitly mentioned in the story, we therefore assume the other people were not going there. Rubbish!

I think, if it started out: As I was going to St. Ives, I saw the flames in the distance - St. Ives was a wall of fire and ash. The apocalypse had started and I was too late to stop it. I had rescued the Sacred Middle Finger of St. Ives and was going to return it to its rightful place, on the entombed body of St Ives in the center of the town square that bears his name. The road was packed with endless people fleeing with all of their belongings, which is how I happened upon this man with his seven wives. Each wife had....

So, the above start to the riddle would make it clear what was going on, and still retain that mystery of not explicitly stating that I was the only one going to St. Ives. This would have built a child's mind, let him or her think through that anyone encountered on the road who wasn't a flame or dead was probably leaving St Ives, whilst I, the sole person able to save this haven for bigamists, was going towards my eternal peril in a place once called St. Ives.

Maybe I will write my own set of children's riddles, stories, and rhymes. They will be grim, so I could call them Stories of a Grimm Nature by a Singular Person, Not in Association with his Brother or Anyone Else. Catchy, eh?

The Edward