Cream

Well, I was trying to avoid putting the "real" me up here, but I have heard that my blog is less interesting than I am in person. Some people also said that I should document the "real" me because of some reason that eludes me at the moment. I figure since I am back filling with this one anyway, why not give it a try here.

I do not know much about the world in which you live. People talk about different diseases and are horrified, but they are words to me, words I do not understand, so I base my reactions on those around me and gasp with them (when I remember to do this). I do not understand drug use or what any of them do, so when they are used in a movie and people around me gasp at what someone on screen is doing, I sit there puzzled. My world is very different from your world - I've made up the world in which I live since I seem to lack the inborn rules of the people around me.

The actual topic: cream. I was so happy a bit ago because I finally found larger-than-pint-size half and half to use on my cereal at night. I admit, I used to use whole cream, but that is very hard to find out here, so I made the switch about 10 years ago. Then they switched over to pints only for half and half, I guess there isn't much demand for it, besides me. (And a pint is only good for one night's cereal!)

This past week, I found and purchased a half gallon of Manufacturing Cream. As I child, I liked these diet packets called "Alba 77", which I found again recently. You mix one with water and ice, and it makes a milkshake. I used to drink them as a child, so I like the taste. But, I never used water. Now that I have this extra heavy cream, I thought I would use that to make one. Wow, the blender spun a few times, then the cream turned solid. The powder didn't even make it to the bottom on the blender (ie not really mixed). So, I had to dilute it with some half and half, just to get the blades spinning again. And when I was done, I had something so thick I had to use a spatula to get it out of the blender. Basically, 3 cups of heavy chocolate whipped cream. Boy, was that good! Not much of a thirst quencher, but tasty.

The advantage of using higher cream content on cereal is that it doesn't get soggy, since the cream kind of coats the cereal. Yum. Actually, I think I will make of bowl of it right now! I highly recommend drinking (or spooning) some tonight!

The Edward

PS Maybe I will tell you about drinking cups of gravy next time...

Will Kirby

Will Kirby is the greatest player in the history of Big Brother, the TV show. He won in season two, and will probably win this season as well. His main strategy is that he knows he is in a game, which allows him to keep his real self, the one that exists outside of the show, out of the game he is playing. This year he has added an interesting twist to his strategy, he has been asking every week that people vote him out. This strategy has made many fans of the man, many people who want him to stay on the show because he is entertaining. Sure, by the rules of the show, if he wanted to leave, he could just walk out the door at any time, so by claiming he wants to leave, he really doesn't, he just wants people to think that so that they don't view him as a threat - "he will be leaving soon, so we can focus on getting the real threats out now." I think this is how god works.

If there is a god (or gods, but I will use "he" to make typing easier), he is watching our every move. If we are entertaining enough, we get to keep on living. If we start creating a boring show for him, we get voted out of this life. Sure, we all know that we could leave this life anytime that we want, but we do not do it. The people who are successful in life are the ones that can separate themselves from the games of people around him. "All the worlds a stage..."

Based on this, what do I believe is a key to a longer life? Be the Cosmic Joker. Be the one that makes entertaining shows to watch. Don't be a threat to the other players or they may get rid of you before the audience wants you to leave. Have victories, have defeats. Be in the wrong place at the wrong time, or the opposite. Fall in the mud face first, then do something interesting about it. Do interesting things, play an interesting character. But always remember that you are playing a game, and keep your true self to yourself.

The Edward

You are dead to me

You are not who you believe you are. Do you like the same things you did last week? Last year? Five years ago? 10? 20? Who you think you are is only an illusion. You have changed, moved on, left the other person you were for dead. I consider this to part of Death - every time I meet someone that I haven't seen in a bit, they are partially dead to me, since the person I knew is gone in the streams of time. But there is a new person, a person who knew the person I knew, and we have that to talk about. You are that new person, but even you have a different type of Death about you...

I consider Death to be a percentage rather than an on/off switch. And Death is more than just the physical Death or the time based Death from above, it is also a mental process. How much Death have you let into your life? About which things do you say "I'm too old for that."? Since you are not getting younger, once you say that you are too old, you are saying that you will never do that again. Ever. That action is dead to you. Hence, I say, you have left a little Death into your life. The more things you do this for, the closer to 100% dead you become.

Live! Do things! This type of Death is supposed to be a motivator. It is not an end to be feared, but a motivation to do things before the clock runs out. A call to live your life, rather than sit around saying that you are too old for stuff.

That is the funny thing about Death, the more you do the less Death you have in your life, but also the more dead you are to your oldself and people that oldself knew. So, Death is like freedom, the more you use it, the more free you are, but the more free you are, the less you are like you used to be and the less you are like the people you left behind.

So, it is your choice: hold tightly to the life you lead unchangingly and die inside, or become dead to those you know right now to become fully alive!

The Edward
Life, the brief pause between Oblivion and Eternity.

Evil Genius Dream

I start dreaming almost as soon as I close my eyes, and I remember almost all of my dreams in vivid detail. Yet, through all of the thousands of dreams I remember, one has haunted me, so I will share it for the first time. No, not the one where aliens will invade at 6:00 pm, though we can stop them with flying machines made of paper, ones large enough to carry all of the coleslaw and pickles that are needed to break through their force field. This is The Evil Genius Dream that I had 13 years ago.

I was working for the government, but on a top secret project. Not the kind that gets one all of the pussy one can ask for, but the kind that is interesting yet boring. I was to take a shift to watch over The Evil Genius. His exploits were legendary, well, to people in the know that is. The general populace had never heard of his death ray, or is evil dealings with an evil alien race, or his lair of inventions so Genius that no one had figured them out yet (as well as too Evil for people to want to try and figure them out).

Somehow, probably with the help of some scum-sucking backstabbing alien race, he was captured and a device was placed in his head that prevented Evil thoughts. The government who gained control of him thought that with this device in place, they could steal his Genius without all of the bother of those Evil thoughts. The problem was, this device also limited his Genius down to genius, probably even lower. But they were happy that he wasn't out there destroying the world, or worse, working with the alien competition.

So, my first day there, I was to watch him. I could see on the monitor in front of me the Evilness of his thoughts, but I could also see the limits it placed on him. I felt sorry for him. Everyone else hated him, but I realized that I understood his plight, because as I said in the dream "I, as all people, have felt the call of evil. Who I am to judge this person and keep him against his will for the choices he has made? Who is really the evil party in all of this?" In retrospect, they probably should ask people their feelings about this type of thing, to skim off people like I was in the dream from getting jobs like that. But they didn't, and I was in control of the device that kept this man in check.

By this point, you probably know the rest, but I will spell it out, or else this blog will look a lot like I used to write In The Time Before I Understood. I flipped the switches to release this Evil Genius. I'm guessing that they shouldn't have taught me the sequence of switches to flip to release him, since there probably wasn't a valid reason for me to know this. As the dampening field faded, I could feel the Evil and the Genius radiating off of him. I understood all of the power that he possessed and felt angry that the worms who called themselves humans would have the unmitigated gall to try to steal so much from this person. I hoped he would destroy everyone for this crime.

Well, it was only a dream, so even though I use "I" above, that person had different memories than I do, different motivations, different feelings. No, there is no twist that is not really a twist: I wasn't the Evil Genius, I just felt that I understood his plight and wanted to help him, set him free to his own will, not to let someone else cage him.

Then, after all of this, and with the no-twist, way does this dream still bother me so?

The Edward

PS How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb? 2. One to screw it in and one to suck my dick.

Searching

I have spent my life searching. Searching for what you might ask. Actually, I used to think that The World cared about questions like that, because I know that I did. I would see people and wonder what they are thinking. I would wonder how they got to where they are. I would ponder if they are doing what they are doing as some sort of act that they hope someone will notice, or are they just doing things for themselves. I used to think everyone else was that way as well, and that other people obsess over every detail of everything that they did because everyone else was watching for subtle signs. And not only that, but people were always looking at others to see the signs for themselves. Then it all came to me - no one notices, because everyone is too caught up in their own world to look too closely at anyone else's. That is one of the many reasons I have created this blog, as the subtitle says, my version of your world.

So, what was I searching for? No one that I've met covered over subtly with overtness. No one spent all of their time practicing small things that can be done that no one would notice unless someone was actively looking for them. Once I realized all of these things, I realized that I was alone. Or, better stated, possibly alone. So, I started a life long search for other's like me. But how to find them?

I searched high and I searched low, I watched the words people used, I watched how fluidly they moved, how quickly they could change topics, tried to guess at their world models by word choices and response to various verbal stimuli, etc. But, I am only human, so I could make a mistake, I could miss some cleverly hidden signal, I could be standing right next to one of the people I sought, but be too in the world to notice them. I had drifted.

So, I did what any rational person would do: I gave up. I realized that my quest was inspired by madness. I was obsessive and paranoid. So, I gave up that madness, and realized that we are all the same. One giant mass of humanity. There are no aliens amongst us. There were no next generations humans lording themselves over us, either overtly or subtly. No one here but us humans. So my search is over, and I have found what I was looking for - it was right under my nose all along.

That's the funny thing about noses, that which we seek always seems to turn up right under there.

The Edward

More with the Light Side being Evil

And another thing, why is Luke so afraid of the Dark Side? Because of its name. I mean, how much time did Luke spend with Old Ben, a few days? And he was able to convince him during that short time that the Dark Side was Evil. What proof did he offer? None. Yet Luke totally believe him. Did he show him both sides and let him judge for himself? No, he didn't. Why...

When Luke meets Yoda, what does Yoda tell him? The Light Side is good for defense, and the Dark Side good for offensive. Seems like a good warrior should be well versed in both. But Light Siders seem to go around telling people that only their path is the True Path, and anyone who even thinks about The Dark Side should be put to death. And you should never ask questions or seek knowledge so you can make an informed decision - the Path of Ignorance.

If they used non-biased words for naming the Sides, I think the audience would have a very different view of the movies - the labels have became the filter for the audiences perceptions. I think if you watch all 6 Episodes knowing that the stories were from the point of view of the Religious Right, I believe you would see them all in a different light.

Keep track of who kills and why. Who offers peace? Who lets people decide for themselves? Who fears knowledge? Who tells Luke it is better to let his friends suffer and die rather than go help them, because leaving would interfere with his class work? Who leaves their best friend with no limbs and on fire on a lava world?

I think the Dark Side is seductive as they say, because it has a feeling of rightness.

The Edward

A Liar and a Murderer

So, as I mentioned before, I watched the end of Star Wars Episode 3 recently. It was an ending that not only made little sense, but was so awful that it ruined movies released 20 years previous (4, 5, and 6). Darth Vader, no longer that Evil, Menacing force to be Feared, but some whiny little love-sick brat, who quite frankly seemed like he was beaten about the head/brain way too often as a child.

With this in mind, I rented Episodes 4, 5, and 6, though only 4 and 5 were available for rent at the time with 6 arriving tomorrow. Then my power went out for a week, but now that it was back this weekend, I watch 4 and 5 in one day. And let me tell you something... George Lied.

I remember reading an interview with him, where he claimed he had the whole story mapped out from day one. He knew who was related to whom. He knew what would happen to whom. This didn't fit my memory of the original movies, and watching them again, I found that I was right and George Lucas is a big, fat liar! Pants on fire. The whole bit.

There is just so much dialog in 4 and 5 that show Luke and Leah are not related and probably have been having a lot of sex, and that Darth Vader wasn't his father. I can see that he might have had an inkling of that idea, but the whole story doesn't bare it out. I mean, he built C-3PO, yet he didn't recognize him. So many people just didn't know each other, yet they met in 1, 2, and/or 3.

Well, I can always find flaws in any movie. The problem I had with 4 and 5 was how evil The Alliance was. When the Empire blew up a planet, was there cheering on the Death Star for the people who died? No, they had a job to do to protect the Empire, and they were doing it. Luke shot missiles down a hatch killing everyone on board Death Star. A station that big probably had families on board, even if not, had to have had a very, very large crew. When he successfully killed them all, there was much cheering on the Alliance side. I never saw a Dark Lord high-five someone after killing someone, but Light Siders seem to do that all of the time. Luke is a mass murderer. And the Light Side is the Evil side.

-Edward