That Bastard!

I'm sure we have all been in this situation. A friend or someone we know walks into a room and is very upset. Being that we are all kind and friendly people here, we ask, "Say Bob, what's wrong? Why do you look like someone just skinned your favorite cat?" Then this Bob person says, "That bastard." Then tells you the story of what happened. "I was walking past Bob in accounting, and he offered me a doughnut. Can you believe it? That bastard!"

Summary: Bob tells you a story about Bob in accounting, and the story that has upset him so much seems so trivial that you think you missed out on something. While Bob here is expecting you to side with him in this conflict and be as outraged as he is. Not wanting to offend Bob, you cleverly say "And..." with a questioning look on your face to let Bob know that you are a little slow on the uptake today. Bob gets an expression on his faces, pauses for a minute and says "Because he knows I am on a diet." Now that you have a "because" you can finally agree and say "That bastard!" even though you really not not outraged or probably even understand, you are just being supportive.

I know I have been Bob, the offended Bob that is (as well as the offending Bob, but that is a different blog post), and after telling my story, I get to the point where I think the audience will agree with me and I hear "And..." I know I have two choices. I can either realize that it was kind of trivial and say "Wow, I guess you are right, I do not know why I was so upset. Weird." Or say "Because xxx" which will cause people to pretend to feel for my plight. Ah, the warming feeling of fake emotions - is there nothing sweeter!

What I realized the last time this happened is it could make a semi funny skit. Bob is upset. "Why?" some asks. "Bob in accounting just gave me $500. That bastard!" Looks of confusion on the faces of people around him. Bob obvious realizes they are not getting it, so he now knows he is in the wrong and a fool. To cover for his ego he follows up "Because he gave it to me in hundreds." Followed by looks of relief on everyone's faces since they finally have an out and they say, "Oh. That bastard!"

The Edward

PS No Bob's were harmed in the making of this blog post. Anyone named Bob who reads this, or anyone you know named Bob, has no connection to any of the Bob's in the story. Bob is easier to type than Mortimer, and Bob's your uncle.