Check Please

I've realized something recently... I've realized that I had slipped into a life that was similar to those I used to mock. I used to believe people around me weren't alive. Well, not really living - by this I mean not living life to the fullest. It seemed like people didn't remember past events so well. It seemed like they had certain things that they wanted to do, but no reasons why they wanted to do them. It was like they were given a list of things to accomplish in life, and they were just looking to put check marks next to them, so they could move on to the next item. I used to abhor this kind of life, and yet there it was, slowly becoming a part of mine!

I found that I wasn't remembering as many details of events as I used to. I used to treat each event as if it were special, no matter what it was or how many times I had done it in the past. If I am not enjoying something, why do it? Or better stated, if I have to do it, why not enjoy it? Enjoyment is a choice! Even if the task isn't. An the more special something is, the clearer the memory is, so why not make everything seem special?

What I saw in my life was that I was looking for these check marks without realizing it. I felt bad because I was missing certain check marks - no girlfriend, no children, no steady employment, not my ideal weight, etc. And with other items on my Grand List, I was just happy that I had done something about them. I should have been happy while doing it, not happy because it was over. An example of this: DVDs. I had a stack of DVDs to watch, so I powered my way through them. Why? So that I could say that I had watched them. But, did I really watch them if I didn't enjoy them? Isn't enjoying something the real measure of whether something was accomplished or not?

So, I say on to you, be careful! Do not fall for the subtle trap of trying to get things done. Something completed isn't worth it if you didn't enjoy it, no matter what it is you have to do.

The Edward