Saturday, September 06, 2008

My Ant Brethren

Fellow Ants, lead me your sound listening devices. I am here today to speak about global warming. We have seen the effects of it - some of us exploding as the sun's ray focus down on some of us individually. Some say that those who were fried to a crisp were sinners in the eyes of a god, but I say No, we are all to blame!

There is no force outside of us and our world. Can you imagine a giant somehow focusing rays of the sun upon us? First off, it would take years for any creature to travel from the nearest life-bearing colony to here. Then, you think that this being would have nothing better to do than to burn us one at a time? I say those kinds of beliefs are not only unfounded, but are the kinds of thoughts that have lead us to this point. We have to live in reality, with the known rules of the Universe.

It is true, living in this modern age, that we have indeed discovered the very core rules to the Universe, and we should be thankful that we live in such enlightened times! With this knowledge, we know that the earth must be getting hotter, we have to look no further than the the sunspots that pose such a treat to all of us. Who wants to end up burnt to a crisp like Larry was just yesterday? Scouting for food, looking to help the colony, and now he is gone and we have to make up the slack.

Then there are the poisons. Sometimes it seems as though the earth gives us big quantities of food in those black buildings that suddenly appear, only to try and poison us. Or the mists from the sky that raid our villages. Or the hotels that seem to attract our roach cousins.

I saw it is all our own fault. Look how many of us there are on this world. Obviously we have an impact. Therefore we must be the cause of these global catastrophes. We need to turn our greatest minds to the task of solving this problem, to come up with lists of little things we can do that will make big differences! For surely, the fate of the world is in our hands!

The Edward

3 comments:

Samantha said...

Sorry, I callously killed some of your juicy ass black ant brethen. Actually, I'm not sorry. I have my home and those ants should have respected that I do not eat or move into their homes and stayed out of mine. I'll share my yard but not my abode. There. I'm a meanie non-greenie.

The Edward said...

But in doing so you have ruined the Ant Leader! His message to the masses was that their destruction wasn't caused by an outside force, but by their actions destroying their own environment. But by being an external force in their world, they can now point to you and say that you are their god and the destroyer of their world. They can not longer blame themselves for their world's condition and can not longer believe in their Leader... such a sad day for Antkind!

Samantha said...

Yes, a mean non-green Goddess that gets easily pissed off when you break the golden commandment and enter my Godhome.