Pain

I was dining at P.F. Chang's the other day. The waitress had these interesting tattoos around her arm at the elbow. You know, that place where the skin is kind of thin at the inner joint. Ouch. Being the outgoing person I am, or rather the outgoing person I can be with I am in the manic phase of my manic-depression cycle, I asked her if it hurt. She said that it was the worst pain that she had ever felt, but it only lasted a few days and now she will have these cool tattoos for the rest of her life. After I finished shuddering in imagined pain, I thought about her words. And I now believe she was correct.

At the time I thought, "No way. There is no way I would ever suffer just to gain something long term" but I now know that is incorrect. I have spent a lot of time developing certain skills - isn't the process of learning kind of painful? If it were pure joy and ecstasy people would be doing it nonstop. Then there is childbirth. I tried it once, never again for me. Squeeze out just to be slapped around by a doctor, and I do not even like doctors.

Back to childbirth. I image that it must really, really hurt for a woman to give birth. I had never really thought about it before the tat incident mentioned above. Every day, there is at least one woman deciding that she will gladly go through all of that suffering just to end up with something that will last a lifetime: a child. Though, I guess the child grows up and becomes an adult, which is what it is for most of its life, so I'm not quite sure.

Anyway, I am very tired and I believe I am drifting around more than normal, since I still haven't gotten to my point. Pain is something I was always taught as something to be avoided. I now know that is not a path to being truly alive. Pain is a barrier and it is possible that there is something on the other side of that barrier that is worth the temporary pain. Living a life in avoidance of pain also means avoiding something that might only be achievable by passing through pain. I tend to focus on the pain rather than the benefit.

I'm not saying I will go out and seek pain, but what I am saying is that I believe I need to stop focusing on the pain if it is something that I need to do to get to a better place. It still seems kind of odd to me that one must suffer to experience something better, but it seems to be that way in this world.

I really hate pain, but maybe it is my friend... or at least I should treat pain like an old friend with whom I had a falling out and even though we do not talk much any more he still might have something interesting to say so maybe I should listen to his screams.

Good night.

The Edward