I knew this Lesbian once...

Stop me if I've said this one before... well, I guess there really is no stopping me, you can only stop yourself from reading more. But, isn't that true for most things? Kind of like "Stop me if it starts to hurt." or "I'll just put the tip in." or "Just let me slip it in for a second." or "Just one finger, then we can stop." Doctors, who can trust them?

So, this lesbian, she worked where I did, a long time ago. Or, should I say we worked together? Am I implying something by my words already? Let's find out. This was back in the day, the days when being a lesbian wasn't the hip, cool thing to be, like it was in the late 90's, early 00's). Quite the opposite, she was afraid of possible repercussions if anyone knew she was a lesbian, so she tried to hide it.

I remember when I first met her, I didn't know there were such people as lesbians (I lived a very sheltered life early on). All she would talk about was men. "Did you see that hunk of man meat walk past? Man, I would love to ride him." "Sorry, I didn't hear what you were saying, I was eyeing up that stud over there." Really, things very close to that. Besides being way over the top, the tone in her voice wasn't very convincing. So, I hope you read the previous lines in monotone with a hint of disgust.

So, what's the point? Well, since she felt no attraction to any of those men, she didn't know a non-lesbian would act in mixed company, so she had to fake it. But, she couldn't ever be convincing, because it was obvious that she lacked the actual desire by how mismatched her words and reactions were. By trying to mask who she was in a world she didn't understand, she overacted, but was unaware that she was doing this. That is why everyone who worked with her actually knew she was a lesbian, but no one had the guts to tell her that.

The Edward

Spank me a new one

Sure, I have some interesting topics, ones I've worked on for a while (though by worked on, I mean "have plagued my thoughts, keeping me awake at night, until I scribble down some of it on scraps of paper that I search for in the middle of the night so that the voice in my head will shut up about it"), but I do not feel like exploring those topics right now. As a matter of fact, when it came time to write down something, the only thing I could think of was the title. No idea where that came from, and no idea what it means. It was just a random set of words that buzzed around until I typed them in the Title area. And all of this, hard to believe it is all unplanned, just like most people's first child. "We were just typing away all night long, and the next thing we knew, she was pregnant. Maybe if we hadn't typed so fast, I wouldn't have spilled white-out all over the inside of the keyboard. We will definitely have to use a glove the next time we type, even though I can not feel the keys with a glove on. Those keys feel oh so good on the tips of my bare naked fingers... Screw it, let's just type bareback and take our chances!"

I just watched this week's South Park. It had its moments. The funniest part, in my opinion, was the The Hardly Boys who were, get this, a parody of The Hardy Boys! They mostly stood around saying "I think I'm getting a clue. Yes, it is a raging clue. It is pointing this way. All this talk is giving me a clue too. This is the hardest clue I've every had. I was getting a clue like every minute. I had so much clue that I almost got clue juice all over John." I never knew the Hardy Boys were so clueful. And of course, it got me thinking, one can use most any word and say it the right way, and people will read sexual innuendo into it. Well, okay, I always knew that, which is why almost all of my posts are like that - I think it to be very funny, because it says to me how much the human world is about sex. Though, that is one of those other Future Posts that have been in my head poking through. (Though, now that I think about it, I have to look through my 91 previous posts to see if I already have one called "I once knew this lesbian.")

Amazing how much one can write without saying anything. The question is: how much can people read without reading anything? Actually, that makes no sense whatsoever. The real question is: Is it better to write random crap than nothing at all? Will Others read random crap, or will they skim once they see the topic, totally missing all of the hidden in-jokes? I already know the answer to that one... maybe I will write about it some day...

The Edward

Death of Single Human Males

Well, I am back from my birthday/road trips! Enough of that world.

I noticed something: society is trying to kill single human males - let's call them "men". The means of doing this? Stress, you might think, but you would be wrong. Lack of pussy? Possibly, but my understanding from married men is that that is a resource that dries up after marriage, who are not single by definition. Well, my friends, as cute as it is to see you guessing such obviously wrong answers, I'll break down and tell you: it is society and fast food.

We have a society that turns a questioning eye to people dining out alone. I've often heard "Your table is ready. Just one for tonight? What, you couldn't even convince someone to eat with meal with you if you paid? Well, I guess we can seat you right here in the middle of the room... at a table, no booth for you!" With this kind of social resistance to eating out alone (which we can all admit is tough to do), what is a man to do? Fast food!

At the local fast food emporium, they are happy to serve up some grub for one person. Go into any one at any time of the day, and one can always find at least one single man there eating, face towards the plate, not looking around. This is socially acceptable. And this is where death comes in - fast food isn't as healthy for one as food at a restaurant. Not even close.

So, we force these single men to eat less healthy food, or else feel unloved and on display in the middle of a crowded place with real food, crying on the inside while pretending to read a fascinating book on the outside. Society is trying to kill them all off! Proof, I tell you, proof! What about preparing food for one's self at home? Come on, look in any cook book - the meal sizes in there are not for one. So, following this path, one is either forced to eat way too much (also unhealthy), or save the food not eaten, then eat this partially spoiled food at some future time (also unhealthy).

What's that you say, what about single human females ("women")? Since they are most often recipients of the aforementioned free meals at nice places, that argument doesn't apply. It isn't socially unacceptable for a single woman to eat at fast food - I do not think I have ever seen one there. And for the last point, they can cook food for themselves, and do not generally seem to mind eating that which was not eaten when the food was fresh.

The Edward

PS I know I was speaking in generalities, and you can probably point to at least one person who doesn't fit the mold. All I can say is: generalities are true, and the person you are pointing at is lying to you. I know these things to be true.

Birthdays

In my religion (Church of Satan), birthdays are the most important day of the year. For without ones birthday, all of the other holidays are meaningless.

I've noticed that others do not share my beliefs, which could either be because they have not hear the good word of Satan and what he can do for them, or some other reason. I'm always happy that people help me celebrate my birthday every year, so I try to do the same for them. But, some people do not consider birthdays special, so it can be awkward: "I emailed all of your friends to arrange a party for your birthday! What, you do not want to be reminded that you are now a year older? You do realize that you are actually only a day older and the party is to celebrate the anniversary of your birth, right? Depressing to be XX years old? But you were that old yesterday (minus a day)." Then everyone sits around gloomy, while the birthday boy/girl struggles to get out of the straight jacket. Not as exciting as someone who is really into birthdays, someone who is willing to blow out the candles, no matter where they have be placed on his/her body.

I consider my birthday to be the start of the New Year. I take time off, I reflect on the past year, I look forward to the coming year, I usually quit my job or make other big changes on my birthday. It is too easy to let time slip away, so having one day be a day of reflection makes sure that years don't pass away unnoticed. Though, noticing them can suck to "Another year alone. Why have I never had a girlfriend on my Birthday? I hear it can be a lot of fun... (sob)."

So, make sure you celebrate your birthday - it is what Satan wants you to do. (at least that is what he told me) And be sure to celebrate with a Black Mass, which usually entails blowing out some candles while in a darkened room. And have your gifts wrapped in paper, so that the demons of this world will not realize that there are goodies inside. And have a steak, which is what I plan to do this Saturday.

The Edward

Dinosaur Meat

I eat meat.  Pretty much nothing else.  Well, grains.  But no vegetables!  Meat is even easier to spell!  And it sounds like something is going on "I'm going to meet someone."  "Yum, meat."  "Let's get to the meat of the matter."  I can not say that I have heard anyone, not even a vegetarian say, "Let's get to the vegetable of the matter."  "He was beating his vegetable all night long."

So, when a friend told me about meat they found preserved in a dinosaur bone in the form of marrow, I was hooked.  I have to know what it tastes like!  Though, I do not know if I want to try the 150 million year old version (aged) or the newer version from the clones that will surely be produced in the near future (fresh).  The aged version would have been made from what the dinosaur ate back then, which would be very different from modern plants, so it will surely have a different taste.

People (rich people) buy dinosaur bones for their own personal museums.  Somewhere out there, there has to be someone with so much money that they will want an exclusive experience, and I think this dinosaur meat could be the key.  I need to find this person, and be sure to get invited to the tasting party.  So, if you know anyone...

The Edward

Pictures of Crimes

I was watching The News the other day - they were showing a high speed chase as it was happening. I thought "Wow, we are seeing a crime, live! I wonder if I should report it to the local police?" I was watching America's Dumbest Criminals a bit ago, and they showed someone robbing a bank, but they took their masks off on the way out, so the video showed their faces. I was tempted to call the police so I could pick them out of a line up.

In the above cases, people would think I was insane if I called the police because I saw a picture of a crime, and I would be. But, if I saw a picture of someone committing a crime of a sexual nature (underage, forced, animal, or some other illegal act), I would be in violation of the law for see, storing, or seeking out such pictures. Why is this true?

If someone is interested in high speed car chases, so he collects every picture of these criminal acts that he could, he would serve no jail time for their possession. Why? Would not the fact that he collects them make other people more likely to commit those crimes? If someone collects pictures of shootings, this is not a crime either. Yet, once again, collecting pictures of sexual crimes is a crime in and of itself, because it encourages others to commit those crimes in some way. (Though, with the internet, if someone post images online of crime, and people download it via usenet, there is no feedback to the commiter of crimes, so it seems that there is no encouragement to commit crimes, therefore no reason to say one has encouraged a crime thereby commiting a crime oneself. If a downloader emails asking for more images, then they are potentially enticing people to commit a crime. (which I do not consider a crime, but human law does for some reason that still eludes me.))

Are not the media profiting from pictures of crimes? Some people plan their crimes to get the maximum media exposure! I believe the news is encouraging crime and bad thinking in general (housing prices, shopping riots, etc). It is solely to entice people, to get an emotional response of outrage, or human interest, or something that will increase their ratings and their profits ("See the shocking footage of a shooting tonight at 11"). I also believe that owning a picture of any crime is as much of a crime as using words to describe a crime - the thoughts are all in your head.

The Edward

PS I also know that people with guns will lock up other people for doing something that those with the gun believe to be wrong, which is why I always obey every letter of the law, no matter how absurd. I've seen people locked up for no reason I believe to be wrong, so it seems that it is better to live with limited freedoms than no freedoms in the land of the free. I mean, what would happen if the only people that were locked up were those that actually commited a crime against someone else? And if people were free to do what they wanted to do until they crossed that line? What kind of country would we have? What would god think if we didn't judge others or try to force others to live as we have chosen to live our own lives?

Plea Bargain

Sorry, my "real" world has impinged upon my Arcane World! Some sort of illness has kept me tired, so no reading other's blogs, no posts on my blog, etc, for the past week. :( What a sad, lonely week. :(

The other thing that happened to me: a person close to me accepted a plea bargain for 10 months. Now, if you have watched any crime drama, you know that the cops pound their fists into the table and say "We had him and now he gets this light and easy plea bargain. Is there no justice in this world?!" Yeah, if only TV mirrored reality (which is why I hate courtroom dramas, medical shows, any kind of drama about which I know a little something).

This person shows up for sentencing. Bargains had been made. 10 months was a very long time, especially with a reasonably new baby in his life. But, he was willing to do it to save the court costs and not risk a longer sentence that a trail might produce. The problem is that a plea bargain is not like on TV. A plea of guilty is what it takes to make a Plea Bargain. And the judge is in no way bound to accept it bargain part of it, just the plea. So, he had a guilty plea, which the judge accepted, but then the judge said he didn't think 10 months was really good enough, so he gave him the maximum sentence, 2-5 years. Wow. That really sucks.

The sentencing happened a good 10 hour drive from his home, so he will probably only see his kid a few times before he gets out. And she will be in school by then, probably. Quite a shocking experience for all that are close to him.

So, I give you these words of warning: do not watch TV or movies, except for comedies and farces. Do not accept a Plea Bargain, because it is no different than going to trail and getting sentenced - you are just pleading guilty and that is all. The bargain is just to give you hope that you will get a lighter sentence because you cooperated. Bullshit.

-Edward