They started it

In part two: What happen? So, what happened to me last Friday? I was walking back from a local coffee establishment with some coworkers/friends when the conversation turned to responsibility. We were talking about something that had happened and the person who committed the deed was told to do it. The conversation was about whether the person who told someone to do something (we'll call him "Mr. Wordy") was responsible for the crime committed by the other person (we'll call him "Mr. Loser").

I was claiming that Mr. Wordy shouldn't be charged with anything since he didn't commit any crime. The other folks were claiming that Mr. Wordy should be penalized somewhat for his crimes - he should be held responsible for his actions. My counter was that he had no actions, only words - Mr. Loser is solely responsible for the crime and his actions.

Eventually it dawned on me. We were arguing different points. There was an underlying assumption on their part that Mr. Wordy had committed some crime by talking to Mr. Loser, and they were debating with me whether he should pay for his crime or not. My underlying assumption is that only people who take an action are responsible for that action - talking about something is not doing something.

When we got back to the office, I involved another person, asking her opinion on the guilt of Mr. Wordy. She fired back, "What about Hitler? He didn't do anything except talk." To which I agreed, Hitler was guilty of nothing as far as the conversation goes - for the words he spoke. He might have commit other crimes, but anything that happened in "his name" was solely the responsibility of those who took the actions.

What's the difference between Hitler and some homeless person on the street corner yelling his hate? Only that someone listened to Hitler and did what he said. So, Hitler is guilty because other people did something, but the homeless guy is guilty of nothing because no crimes were committed? If they both said the same thing, what is the difference? Other people's actions?

What if there was a program that generated random emails. Say it eventually sent one to someone and through random word choice it appeared to the receiver to contain a very compelling argument to commit some crime. And this person committed that crime, based solely on the email. Who is guilty? Don't we need the person with the thought to be guilty too? But there is no one else. The same with anyone - the words you speak to someone else have no meaning, save what the listen gives them.

If I describe a patentable idea to someone and they patent it to become rich and famous, can I then get money from them because it was my words that inspired them? No. It is the person who took action who is solely responsible, positive or negative.

This was my point. But, once I realized what they were really saying, I realized that my point didn't matter. And that was where it all happened - in that moment of realization of what they were saying really meant.

The Edward

Memory Alpha

Sorry, I had something shocking happen to me on Friday and I have been trying to figure out how to put it into words. So I figured it would be best to break it down over a few blogs to give me time to collect my thoughts. (and write it late at night when I am too tired to focus. okay, that is just a bonus)

I do not know how your memory works. I know how I process my memories, but I do not know if that the same holds true for others. I like to think everyone is just like me - that is what I've always been told. "Assume everyone is just like you and you will get along just fine in this world." But, I do not know that I can assume that any more, if I ever even did.

I consider memory to be flexible. If a group of people are gathered somewhere and something happens, everyone there will give you a different account of the events. Yet, they all believe their memories to be true. Why is that? It can be proven time and again that what they remember about any event is probably wrong, but they still trust their memories. So, why not change your memories? Why leave them as static places in your mind? You do not remember anything accurately anyway, so why not make your memories reflect the way you want things to have been?

I remember back in 8th grade, a friend was talking with his girlfriend and he called her "Peanut Butter." She asked why, and he said because she was easy to spread. And they all laughed. At the time, I didn't get the joke, but I tagged it for later. If I go to a lecture and do not understand some of the concepts or some of the key words, I tag that memory. Then, later on in life, when I understand the basis of the joke, or learn the key word to a lecture, I play the memory back to see if it makes sense. I revise my memories with knowledge that I gained. I can then laugh at the joke, or make sense of the rest of the lecture.

I have a lot of tagged memories. There are many things I didn't understand about the human world. But after Friday, a lot of them now make sense to me. And the results saddened me.

Well, you are probably reading the blog posts in reverse order, so you probably already know what happened, even though I haven't written it at this time. (ideally more people will read this well after I wrote it than are reading it real time, so the likely reader is one from much further in the future, probabilistically) This concludes part one: I had to update my memories to a better understanding. (and all memories are Alpha quality)

The Edward

Salt

This seems like it is going to be another one of those posts about The Real Me, if there is such a thing. I like salt. Though reading through the web I find that most humans crave salt, though no one knows why. (or at least the people who have websites don't know) But, I more than like salt, I crave it. Though, I more than crave it...

I remember back when I was 2.75, I went into the pantry and saw a big container of salt. I knew how much I loved salt on my food, so I figured more salt must be better! So, I chugged it, as much as I could at 2.75. Then I walked out of the pantry, was about to tell my mom what I did, instead I promptly threw up. That was when I found out that there is a limit to how much of a good thing one can have in ones life or stomach. (My mom panicked, because I couldn't tell her what I had eaten because of the endless spewing, so I had to point to the salt, at which point she relax - I didn't know about poisons in the pantry back then.)

My love affair was not deterred by the minor inconvenience in my childhood, I kept at it. Today, I still want salt so much so times that I just pour some in my hand and eat it. (Not my hand, just the salt that my hand holds - portion control I like to thing of it as.) I was telling someone at work about this eating of salt and he suggested, as most people do when I tell them about some of the things that I do, that I see a doctor. After saying "Bah!", I got to thinking, "Maybe there is something wrong with me, besides the other things..." So I did a web search on salt cravings, which finally leads me to my topic! Alien abductions!

It seems that there is a belief that alien abductees crave salt. Well, now that I write it down, it doesn't seem as impressive as it did this morning. There is another tie, but it is a long story involving hypnosis, regression, me being placed here by aliens, and me being abducted through out my life. But, that is for another day.

So, if you crave salt, maybe, just maybe, you have been on The Mothership! Or maybe you know what a doctor would say if I told him that I eat salt.

The Edward

PS Unlike the Cream blog, I can not recommend eating a handful of salt. I'm sure there is a funny way to say that, but I think I am overly tired right now... maybe I need a little salt to get me through the night, but just a little.

The Point of this conversation

You are a good person. You are smart because you read these posts. I like you.

The point of a conversation is not what most people seem to believe it is. You should be trying to make the other person feel good about his or her self. At least that is what The Laid Guide says (and some other books on influence that are not solely based on helping men get into women's panties (by which I do not mean trying to get men to fit into women's panties, but to get to the goods stored inside of those aforementioned panties for the purposes of sex)).

Programmers and other geeks think that people want to be around them because they are witting and clever. So in social situations, they tend to say things that they think everyone else wants to hear, rather than listen to what others are saying. Obviously their cutting jabs are more important than the random banter of others. But, one of the easiest ways to make someone feel good about themselves is to listen to what they say.

Beyond that, use compliments. I read once that even if someone knows that the compliment is "fake", it doesn't matter, it still has a very positive impact on that person's life. But, you probably knew that already - you were always the clever one.

A thing I have seen in my work and home life many times: people get frustrated. Someone wants to explain something to someone else, and the other person is just not getting it. It happens all the time between any two people (models of language and all of that stuff). There are many ways to handle this frustration you feel. You can say something cutting in hopes of shaming them into getting it while making yourself look smarter, which seems to be the common one that I've seen. Or, you can focus on the facts you want to impart, put your ego aside, and try a different approach to explaining it. Sure, you do not get that visceral feeling of putting some idiot in his place, but you actually accomplish that which you set out to do, and in the end, you will both feel better, and feel more at ease in future communications. I know there are many people in my life that I just kind of nod my head for fear of it being ripped off if I ask "too many" questions about the nugget of wisdom just imparted to me. That's right, sometimes I do take that easier route!

I'm sure I do not need to summarize this for you, but here goes: 1) Listen. 2) Compliment. 3) Don't take your frustrations on others with "clever" comments. 4) Focus on why you are communicating in the first place, and strive to achieve that goal.

Though, if your goal is too make everyone around you feel like worthless crap when compared to your overwhelming magnificence and glory, then be sure you are true to your goals. That's what I'm really saying, be true to your goals, and know what they are. And focus.

As always, I look forward to reading your comments.

The Edward

Make with the funny

Well, after posting the other post, the one from long ago, I realized that it might give off the wrong impression. Maybe it contained a little too much truthiness. That, or I wasn't in a funny mood when I wrote it. That, or it was all a pack of lies, filled with a lot of dark, dark humour; humour so intensely dark that it appears to not be funny, but sad and depressing. Either way, at the time I wrote it, it meant something to me, probably something deep and personal, I would guess. Now... I can not say. As we all know, the person who wrote that is dead to me. I am a new person! That, and as I learned on this week's Metalocalypse, true humour comes from hate, so the funnier someone is, the more they must really be filled with hate. Though, since I am not filled with hate, but with the rather large meal I just ate (and the box of Krispy Kreme donuts I use to drown the inner voices of sorrow), I guess my powers of humour are an illusion or just in my mind. Or it just has to rhyme with hate (like "ate"). (or mate) (or date) (or copulate) (or sex)

Which leads me to the title of this blog. I guess I am too full of it and too tired to be funny, and reading the previous post (the next one in sequence from this one) was kind of a bummer. So, to overcome the major downer of the other post, I will have to go over the top with this one, though, by this point, it doesn't seem like I will, since I have already wasted two paragraphs and this really long run-on sentence, which doesn't seem to want to end itself until now.

Hmmm... over the top... So, I was banging this chick the other day. Okay, that is all I know of Andrew Dice Clay's routine, but I hear the people are liking his comic stylings. (This is still the 80's, right?) So, this man walked into a bar, and said "Ouch!". I guess I do not do well with the standard jokes. Let me try something else.

It's amazing! It is wonderful! People will kill themselves to be the first on their block to own it! Whole herds of buffalo will sit down and dine on ostrich livers until they puke just for the chance to say that they heard of it! Whole countries will buy shovels and move the very earth itself just to have their country closer to the place of its inception! Pickles will have sex with women! Well, that last one really doesn't have anything to do with it, just something I was looking at on my screen at the time. Ah, food. Ah, pussy. Ah, Non-Aristotelian Systems and General Semantics.

Well, I think I pretty much covered all of the things I have posted about in the past. So, now I am done with this meta post. Though, I never meta a post I didn't like... :P

The Edward

I'm not mad

I have often had people assume that I was upset with them or mad at them. True, I seem to upset easily. But realize that it is usually based on events in what I believe the to be the world around me. But upset with someone else, a living person, a fellow human being... I do not think I could do that.

Since I know everything I perceive to be in my mind, and that which I perceive probably isn't what anyone else does, on an intellectual level, how can I really be upset with anyone else since I really do not know anyone else? I know this to be true, and so I know that I am actually upset with the Universe.

The Universe made me. It set up the limits on the way I can experience it and limits on what I can do within its confines. If someone does something: that is an event. If I upset myself at that event, it doesn't really matter what the cause is (or who caused it), to me it is just an event in the Universe, so I blame it.

Say I want to get somewhere quickly in my car. There normally is no traffic at the time of day in question, yet I seem to suddenly be surrounded by morons who have never even seen a steering wheel before and are unaware which foot makes their car go. Can I blame the idiots around me? No. The Universe put them there at that time, and for a reason which seems to be beyond my ability to fathom.

When I sit in a restaurant or movie theatre, I sit as far away from people as I can. Invariably the loudest group of people with screaming kids will walk in and decide that where I am located is the ideal place in the Universe to be at that moment in time. Why do they choose there and then? The Universe made it so. I may seem upset to people who know me, and most time people think I am upset with the group that is interfering with my plans of quiet, but that is not true. I am upset with the Universe, so moving to a different location isn't going to make it better, because I know that the Universe is still there. Waiting. Watching. Planning when to strike next.

So, if you see me "suffering" because of a situation, and think, "Hey, there might be an easy fix for this! Let me see if I can help. I'll suggest that we move somewhere away from the noisy bastards." just remember, the Universe is out to get me and I am not upset with what is going on or the people involved, but that the Universe is making it happen in the first place. There is no fixing it within the confines of this universe. And I apologize for giving you the wrong impression.

The Edward

PS I usually do not do this, but I actually wrote this a while ago, though I am posting it here for the first time. Reading through it now, the tone sounds bitter to me, like bad chocolate, but that wasn't the intent. Read it with a happy tone! (Though, by this time, you probably already read through it, so it is probably too late... maybe I should have put this at the top of the post?) It is truly how I see the Universe - there is a conscious force actively foiling my every plan, which is why I do not tell anyone my real plans, not even myself. That will show the Universe who is boss! :) And sure, traffic and crowds suck, but what really gets me is the people I missed out on because of timing...

St. Ives

"As I was going to St. Ives, I met a man with seven wives. Each wife had..." I should have started this blog entry with "Stop me if you have heard this one before", so let's just assume that I did, which is why I stopped.

St. Ives was one of those children's riddles/rhymes that almost all of us have heard as children. This St. Ives one was one that I simply hated. I guess I learned to hate at an early age. The question at the end of the riddle: How many were going to St. Ives? And the answer? One - I, as in "As 'I' was going to St. Ives." Why did I hate it so? It doesn't state the initial direction of the man and his wives with all of their kids and kits and such. Surely a group as large as this man's would be moving much slower than I as a solitary traveler, so it is likely that group was also on the road going towards St. Ives. But the claim of the adults telling this woeful tale stated that I was the only one explicitly mentioned in the story, we therefore assume the other people were not going there. Rubbish!

I think, if it started out: As I was going to St. Ives, I saw the flames in the distance - St. Ives was a wall of fire and ash. The apocalypse had started and I was too late to stop it. I had rescued the Sacred Middle Finger of St. Ives and was going to return it to its rightful place, on the entombed body of St Ives in the center of the town square that bears his name. The road was packed with endless people fleeing with all of their belongings, which is how I happened upon this man with his seven wives. Each wife had....

So, the above start to the riddle would make it clear what was going on, and still retain that mystery of not explicitly stating that I was the only one going to St. Ives. This would have built a child's mind, let him or her think through that anyone encountered on the road who wasn't a flame or dead was probably leaving St Ives, whilst I, the sole person able to save this haven for bigamists, was going towards my eternal peril in a place once called St. Ives.

Maybe I will write my own set of children's riddles, stories, and rhymes. They will be grim, so I could call them Stories of a Grimm Nature by a Singular Person, Not in Association with his Brother or Anyone Else. Catchy, eh?

The Edward